WHAT I LEARNED FROM SURRENDER

I'm not talking about admitting defeat...accepting despair...giving power to another...relinquishing control...yielding.

I'm talking about letting go...letting go of the need to control...of a preconceived notion of how things are supposed to be...of fear...of the paralysis caused by believing there is only one correct choice and that I'm supposed to know what that is...of money as a driving force...of the past.

If you have followed my blogs and Facebook posts, you probably know I divorced five years ago after a long marriage to my college sweetheart.  You also know that I have flirted with selling the house we lived in for 30 of the 40 years of our marriage.  

When I got divorced, staying in my home, my haven, was security.  I didn't want my entire life to be in upheaval after leaving my marriage.  I had read and witnessed how devastating it can be when everything changes due to one life event and I didn't want to throw myself under the bus!

A few years later, I felt I wanted to sell and move.  I had an idea of where and how i wished to live.  The real estate market at that time was really in the sewer and after six months I took my house off the market.

In March of 2012, I put my house up for sale again.  The market was beginning to turn upward, my realtor envisioned a incredible beautiful asking price, and I felt in every fiber of my being that my home would sell the first week.

Hah!  Around 100 people have come  through my house in eight months, not one for a second showing:  "the ceiling in the kitchen is too low...there aren't enough bedrooms...there are too many bedrooms...the aubergine (eggplant) bedroom freaks me out...I couldn't live here, but I would love to meet the woman who does!"

I was told to sell the house for lot value.  I was told to put $75,000.00 into redoing so I could sell at a better price.  I envisioned going through a remodel, probably having to move out for a time, only to move back in to sell and move out.  I saw myself as the crazy, old cat lady with an overgrown landscape and a crumbly house that kids wouldn't even go to for trick-or-treat.  I was paralyzed trying to decide what to do.

I was fearful that if I didn't get a certain price for the sale that I would be jeopardizing my financial future or that I would have to live in a way far beneath how I had lived my entire life. Both of those scenarios scared me silly.  I was making myself sick...I couldn't sleep, was anxious, began to despair that there was a solution I could live with.

I'm not sure what the exact turning point was, but I decided that I wasn't going to go through a remodeling project on something I wanted to leave.  I also decided that I could live financially with a sale that was much less than that beautiful asking price. If I stayed stuck on some magic dollar amount I would also be stuck in this house and I needed and wanted to move on:  financially needed and emotionally wanted to move on.

I kept saying, "That which I seek is seeking me."  Not just saying it, but believing it.  I let go of  the need to know how things were going to work out.  I also let go of feeling I had to manipulate and control things to make them work out a certain way.  I stopped being afraid I would end up living under a bridge.  I had a vision of a small cottage in a safe and serene neighborhood with a certain backyard, a certain flow, all creating a life for me going forward.   I kept that picture in my mind all the time.   I stopped looking back.  I stopped feeling my old house was precious.  I became emotionally detached from it and the life I had led in it.

That which I seek is seeking me.

An investment buyer appeared.  A quirky, little man who really wanted my house.  I saw a house for sale in the neighborhood I had been visiting for 3 years, looking for a house in my price range.  The owner really wanted to sell.

Within a week, the contract on my house was finalized and I had put in a contract on the cottage I wanted.  Within ten days, my house was sold and I had a closing date on the home I was buying.  Within a month from closing on my house, I will be in a home I can spend the rest of my life in.

I can't wait to create a rock and fern
garden in my new home!

As my buyer is creating his vision of how this house should look to sell for a huge price, he is destroying everything I have created in the past 30 years.  It is chaos, ugly now, upsetting to my outdoor cats and my neighbors.  But every day I bless and thank this man in my heart because he has set me free!

What I've learned is this:  when you are clear on what your heart needs and you feel it in every fiber of your being, fear falls away.  Obstacles melt.  Walls crumble.  

When you are clear, the Universe moves at warp speed to bring you your heart's desire.
Because that which you seek is seeking you.  You just need to be clear.

And you need to surrender to your clarity.

WHY THE REPUBLICAN PARTY DOESN'T WANT ME

To set the record straight:

1.  My parents, good people, were Republicans.

2.  Though it may sound like the start of a joke, some of my favorite friends are Republicans.  Most of my high school buddies are Republicans and better salt of the earth folks, you could not find anywhere.

3.  I say I am apolitical, but as I have gotten older I have become more liberal...usually not the way things go. I could not pretend, however, to be politically learned.  There is more that I don't know about politics than I do know.  I have always voted, a few times being extremely grateful I had a third
party candidate from whom to vote!  I like to think I vote for the man and not the party, but have never felt a Republican candidate was 'the man'.

I'm not sure I can make this a Top Ten List of Why The Republican Party Doesn't Want Me, but here goes...

1.  I believe in the separation of Church and State.
     Once the Christian Right became policy makers for the Republican Party, I felt our nation was on
     a slippery slope.
     Many Republicans rail at the opposition for eroding the Constitution...right to bear arms comes to
     mind.  (I do not think anyone's constitutional rights are violated if a semi-automatic assault weapon
     can't be in the gun rack.)  I don't hear Republicans mention separation of Church and State as a
     constitutional precept that must be safeguarded.
     Politicians who make decisions based upon what they say is God speaking to them often don't seem
     to be speaking the same language as a loving, accepting creator of all people.  Every person on this
     earth is a creation of God and they weren't put here to be converted to some other religious doctrine.
     God made them and placed them where they were meant to be, believing what they were meant to
     believe.
     I respect your right to worship (or not) any way you choose.  Show me the same courtesy.
 

Principles of a Free Society

The Ayn Rand Center for Individual Rights

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Separation of Church and State

Political freedom requires a separation of church and state. This principle is often advocated, but seldom fully understood. Properly, this separation is rooted in the principle of intellectual freedom. It means that every individual should be free to think about and accept any idea he chooses.

To say that church is separate from state means that the state makes no evaluation of its citizens’ ideas, religious or otherwise. The state’s concern is only with men’s actions, specifically actions that trespass on individual rights. It neither persecutes nor tolerates nor promotes ideas—because it is unconcerned with ideas per se.

From the other direction, to say that state is separate from church, means that a citizen—including any faction of them, such as a church—is incapable of using the state’s coercive power to penalize or support ideas, religious or otherwise. If a citizen wants to hinder or support an idea, he must argue his case with others, not enact a law.

In a free society, government has no power to persecute or establish religious ideas because it has no power to police ideas as such. No one, including those in government, may force their ideas on anyone.

2.  I believe that the government should not legislate the choices I may be allowed to make
     concerning  my body, reproductive organs specifically.  No one is for abortion: I must demand
     that the choice to have one be guaranteed for all women.   I'm a daughter and a mother with a
     daughter.  How is the US government making abortion illegal any different from the nations that   
     sanction genital mutilation?  These are a means used  to control a
     portion of the population.   I do not understand how any woman could support a political
     party that aims to control reproductive freedom.

3.  The Republican party touts itself as the fiscally responsible party.  President Clinton, Democrat, is
     the only President in decades to balance the Federal budget.

4.  Republicans decry government funded welfare programs, stating that the nation's citizens
     will take care of the poor, jobless, and homeless by voluntary loving kindness.  If that
     were happening now, the government could phase out of the welfare business because it
     would be evident those programs were no longer needed.  Not happening folks.

I write this in the wake of the furor over comments by a Republican running for office who voiced his opinion about pregnancy and rape victims.  I would have felt compelled to write this if the man had been a Democrat.   The title would have been a little different!  Idiots are idiots.  Neither political party has a monopoly on that.  Those off the cuff remarks cannot be apologized away.  The man spoke what was in his mind as fact and in his heart as religious belief.  Let us demand a government that governs by our Constitution and respect for all of its citizens, regardless of religious belief.  America was founded on the principles of freedom for all, not for some, and as stupid as our leaders might be (and us for electing them) that is what has made us a nation apart.

My Top Ten List seems to be a Top Four List, but in reality it is a Top Two List:  separation of Church and State and hands off the ovaries.

SHED OR PERISH

"He's lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut."
"He's a snake in the grass."



I don't know if it's the Garden of Eden allegory or the slithery aspect of movement, but snakes have become the personification of evil for many of us.  Even the Harry Potter books advance the notion of snakes as being, well, snakes!


    Slytherin is one of the four Houses at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and is traditionally home to students who exhibit such traits as cunning, resourcefulness and ambition. Its emblematic animal is the snake.


In dream analysis through the world of animal spirit guides, snakes take on a surprisingly different meaning.  To dream of a snake can mean "You're about to go through some significant personal changes, so intense and dramatic that an old self will metaphorically die as a new self emerges."  Or "You'll experience a dramatic and unexpected physical or emotional healing very soon, coming from an unexpected source."  That doesn't sound so bad!  The book Animal Spirit Guides (the source of the above quotes) says to call on Snake when "You're going through a major life or developmental transition, one so powerful that it requires you to shed a lot of attachments, especially to your old identity."



Why Snakes Shed Their Skin

Basically, a snake will shed its skin to allow for continued growth. The skin of a snake is different from the skin of a mammal (including us) in that it does not grow as the animal grows. When we get bigger with age, our skin grows right along with us. But snake skin has a limited capacity for growth and enlargement. Thus, when a snake outgrows the skin it's in, it simply sheds the outer layer and starts fresh.

Read more: http://www.reptileknowledge.com/articles/article8.php#ixzz212HXIPEy



So if a snake couldn't shed it's skin, it would not have the normal capacity to grow and flourish.  It might die, just as a hermit crab will die, as it outgrows its shell, if it can't find a new, bigger, more suitable home for itself.  Interesting in the light of the symbolic meaning of Snake.




In an email I received last week, '...just watched a documentary called "Finding Joe" about Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey and Follow Your Bliss. One quote I remember: "A snake who does not shed its skin has to perish." So what old stories are you holding onto that need to die so that you can start Living?'


What if we were to die if we continued to hold on to 'our story' as Bryon Katie calls our life details?  It is hard for many of us to imagine who we would be if we let go of some of the emotionally charged events of our life.  If you have lived as a victim,  do you know how to live without being one?  If you have based your relationships on the belief that you are unloveable, how do you relate to people if you jettison that thought pattern?  It can be terrifying to let go of the masks and personae we have created in order to survive our life details.  Who are we without them?


In many ways, when we hang onto an old belief system, a thought about ourselves and our place in the world, an idea that constricts our ability to live freely, in joy, with love, and peacefully within our own skin, we are like the snake that cannot shed its skin and perishes because it cannot.  


A little bit of us dies if we cannot shed "the old stories".
Isn't it better the "story" die so that we may live?

...WHEN IT'S ME

 Toxic relationships not only make us unhappy; they corrupt our attitudes and dispositions in ways that undermine healthier relationships and prevent us from realizing how much better things can be. — Michael Josephson

Several years ago, while I was still married, I made the decision that I could no longer go to my in-laws' home because being with my mother-in-law was a very poisonous experience for me.  This toxic relationship with her began even before I married her son.  I had no skills at twenty-one to deal with many of the issues that arose in that relationship, in my marriage.  I know that the resentment I grew to carry about this woman colored so many things in my life...mostly it created a toxic level in me that shaped a kind of person I didn't recognize as me anymore.

As I have studied with wise men and women in the past six years, I have learned many ways in which to deal with those I deem to be toxic in my life...surrounding myself with 'white light', using an affirmation of protection for my spiritual person when in their presence, 'blessing the divine' in them and in myself for harboring a distaste for that person, avoiding altogether.  Being able to protect myself from the toxic energy in others is a responsibility I shoulder as I strive to be healthy in mind, body and spirit.

But what to do when you realize/allow yourself to acknowledge that YOU are toxic to someone?

What are your responsibilities then?  How do you deal with the sadness this brings?

1.  Be honest with yourself:  do not deny that this is the truth for that person.  Let the other person know you hear them...really hear what they had the courage to tell you.

2.  If there are specific behaviors that create this, and you wish the relationship to continue in a healthier form, put all your energy into changing what can be changed.

3.  Often it is more complicated than that.  Allow them the same privilege that you would demand for yourself when dealing with the toxic person in your life.  They have a responsibility to protect themselves from you and should not feel guilt about doing what needs to be done to create health in their mind, body and spirit.

4.  Hold them in your heart with love and bless the divine in both of you.

5.  Let them let you go if they must.

Remember that you always have the power to choose and the person who is going to help you the most is………..you.
-David Dich

Guns and Performance and Wellness?

Many of you may have asked that question when Legacy posted an invitation to join our group for a day Immersion with Scott Phillips, former Navy SEAL, who teaches seminars in Hand Gun safety and shooting technique...the Navy SEAL way!

It may not seem to fit a business model dedicated to facilitating change in our clients who come for nutritional counseling, performance training, strength and conditioning, lifestyle modification...

...but it does make sense if you think of this outing in terms of one of our mottos:  Eat Clean.  Play Hard.  Live Fully!

Just as a proper exercise program with a progression of work load to time frame increases fitness by intelligent stressing of the muscles, so does embarking on something outside one's comfort zone strengthen one's mental and emotional systems through perturbation of those systems.  Mental toughness and agility are critical to living a healthy life, especially in our stressful environment and as one ages.

And how many chances are we given to do something that scares us, makes us uncomfortable, but in a safe way, with a group of people you trust and with whom you are developing 'tribe'.

Even though I grew up in an extended family of mountain men, living in the Colorado Rockies and hunting and fishing, I had never touched a gun and didn't think I ever wanted to do so!  I called deer hunting 'killing Bambi'.  I couldn't imagine having a loaded gun in the house for fending off an intruder unless I planned on killing myself before he could make it back to my bedroom!  So imagine my surprise when I was actually looking forward to the Hand Gun Immersion.

It is easy to remove any intellectual sticking points from the exercise if you view the experience of shooting a gun as a life metaphor:  you set a goal...you have a plan to accomplish that goal...there are steps in the plan that need to be learned and mastered in order to attain the goal...thought and mental focus are needed every time you practice this new step toward mastery...practice, practice, practice creates fluidity and strength...repetition equals success.

Doing something that scares the bejeezus out of you is a powerful experience.  This builds confidence as you eye the next challenge, whatever it may be.  And it is fun!

Why Not With People?

Kintsugi (金継ぎ^?) (Japanese: golden joinery) is the Japanese art of fixing broken pottery with a lacquer resin sprinkled with powdered gold.


     "When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.
      They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful."
      Barbara Bloom


When I read this quote, I was immediately taken with the idea.  I thought how wonderful it would be if this could be applied to people...broken, suffering, damaged people who have survived pain, heartache, loss.  Survived and lived on as witness to their history, as a testament to the spirit of man, as a beacon to the rest of us.


What if all those who have been buffeted by life were filled with gold dust so that all those hurt places shown and glittered in the light?  It would be like going to India and seeing the Holy Men in the streets, luminescent with their journey, aglow with the experience of living.  I can visualize all the lines and crevices, all the wounds and scars being filled with precious metal.  What a blinding light there would be!


Then think how wonderful it would be if those among us with the most mended parts were honored and revered for the wisdom gained, because of the beauty the struggle had created.

I BELIEVE IN THE EASTER BUNNY...

...the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus.

I have always loved the idea of a magical being, one who knows where you live, when you lose a tooth, or what you want under the tree.

I loved waking up on Easter , anticipating there would be a basket by my bed, filled with goodies, green cellophane grass cradling chocolate bunnies and foil wrapped chocolate eggs. The ritual of dying hard boiled eggs and then decorating them was looked forward to each year...the kitchen table covered with bowls of spring colored dyes, decals scattered around the table, with me, my mom and dad, "creating" oval beauties. The most fun was the traditional Easter egg hunt in the backyard. My dad would never tire of hiding the eggs, often in plain sight, and I never tired of trying to find all of them. Over and over, he would hide and I would seek.

I was devastated in third grade when my best friend told me that there was no Santa Claus. Running home with tears rolling down my cheeks, I pleaded with my parents to say she was lying. I was so angry with her. Why did she have to spoil everything? I wanted to believe in the fairy tale of life.

Perhaps being an only child, moving from oil field town to oil field town literally every year, being alone so much of my growing up years, created my need to believe in something sweet and dear and beautiful. There is a part of me that still would like to wake up Christmas morning to a gift that no one knows anything about, proof that there really is a Santa and eight tiny reindeer!

I never asked what the Tooth Fairy could possibly want with all those baby teeth! Kinda' creepy, when you think about that.

Obviously, I was desperate to have something to believe in, something outside my human experience, something to trust in, depend upon, be comforted by. So why is faith in God so difficult for me? Intellectually, I know this comes from my mother and her struggle with faith, feeling she wasn't worthy of God's love. I'm grown now, and you'd think I would have been able to jettison the parental memes and fears by this time.

There's a song in the movie Gypsy (about Gypsy Rose Lee, the quintessence of a stripper), "You Gotta Have a Gimmick." Maybe that's what God needs to speak to me... maybe gift bags, or a big "I'm Number One" hand in purple and gold, or a pimped up ride, driven by angels, running lights flashing and harp music blaring.

Maybe, as Bertrand Russell, said, I need to have faith because I have nothing to lose either way: if there is a loving God and I have tried to live a good life, I will be 'rewarded in heaven'...if there is no God and I have lived a good life, well, then I have lived a good, honorable life. I win either way.

Or maybe I need to understand that every time I have said things would be alright, something would work out, that I'd be okay...and they did and I was...that God was in the mix.