IT ISN'T 'ROCKET SURGERY'!

When my friend used that expression the other day, I laughed myself silly. She did so on purpose: combining two well-worn phrases that speak to how easy something is supposed to be when compared with something that is really difficult.

I laugh every time I even think about my new favorite phrase. And I've been thinking about it alot.

Surgery is the removal of something that doesn't belong, is life-threatening, impedes something vital...it is cutting out a toxic thing.

A rocket is meant for infinity and beyond, goes to the moon, shoots to the stars...it is fireworks in the night sky.

I would like you to think now about what stands in the way of your happiness, peace of mind, serenity, joy, love, calmness, accomplishment, acceptance of self. Think about how you would feel, could feel, if you cut out that toxic thought or belief that roots you to the very spot in which you stand.

Cut out the disempowering meme. Think differently. Feel your potential. Immerse in your purpose. Envelop yourself in unconditional love and take the rocket ride of your life.

Perhaps all happiness requires is a little 'rocket surgery'.

GRATEFUL AS CAN BE

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day.

I am grateful that I'm going to my friend Melanie's house!

She is a wonderful cook, has a beautiful home, is the matriarch of a lovely family...sons, daughters-in-law, grandkids, and friends galore. I feel lucky to be invited even though we are eating in her garage! Actually, Melanie has a garage floor clean enough to eat off of, holiday or not. I don't have to cook: just show up with some gluten-free corn bread stuffing.

I am grateful for Chef Susan, who made the gluten-free stuffing!

Susan is so gifted...as a chef and as a writer, intelligent with a sense of humor that can keep me laughing until the tears roll down my cheeks! She is the mother of wonderful twin girls, also

intelligent, with a sense of humor, and talented who just happen to be on the spectrum for Autism. Listening to Susan talk about this journey she and her husband and daughters are on has been extremely humbling. Some things are achingly funny. Some things just make me ache. I admire her patience and dedication to giving these girls the very best care and education, even if the stress often wrecks havoc on her physical and emotional body.

I am grateful my daughter is healthy.

Kelsey will be 40 years old on November 28th. I cannot say my mothering skills were finely honed. Many times, I can say I have felt like a failure as a mom. But being a mother has been an opportunity to know a love like no other. Though I am not sure that I would actually throw myself in front of a bus to save her, she is the only person on earth for whom I would even think about doing such a thing! Motherhood made me a less selfish person than I would have been otherwise. There is not much I ask of the Universe: keep my child healthy and safe from harm. Thank you.

I am also grateful that our mother-daughter relationship has flourished in the past four years, that we are growing into an unconditional love for each other, that we do not need to place demands on each other because we are secure in the love we share.

Would that every parent-child relationship could be so. It is so freeing for both parent and child. The letting-go on the part of the parent does not create distance. It actually draws the child closer. You want to be together. You don't get together because you feel you have to. I have my kid to thank for this...she set the standard to create boundaries in our relationship which led to this freedom and acceptance.

I am grateful for my independence, that I am finally growing up!

Trust me, I have fought it tooth and nail. I have been a loner who needed to not be alone! Now that I have chosen to be alone, there is such a sense of peace in my life. It has also given me the opportunity to learn to take care of myself, make reasoned, thoughtful decisions. I have taken responsibility for myself. I'm not perfect at it, but I am grabbing the bull by the horns. Sometimes, the bull wins, but I'm fighting the good fight and I do like a tight fitting pant!

I am grateful to my former husband for creating a secure life for our family when I so needed someone to take care of me.

I am also grateful for the manner in which he allowed me to leave our marriage.

I am grateful for my sense of humor! Period.

I am grateful that I still recognize I have work to do on myself and have the energy and spirit to do it.

My path to health and self-acceptance has not been a straight one. It has taken twists and turns, many times screeching to a dead halt. However, I have never given up on myself nor the hope that I could find the key to unlock a door of my own making. The human spirit is a remarkable thing. I have often likened it to an intricately woven spider's web...able to withstand buffeting winds yet fragile enough to be destroyed by the flick of a wrist. I don't know why some spirits can be dashed and extinguished, but I am ever so thankful that I can persevere.

I am grateful that I have work to do - grace through purpose. My business partner is dedicated, talented, a skilled coach and trainer.

Thank you, Scott.

I am grateful for the beauty I see in the lives around me!

Lauren and Roland in a new house, with a new baby...Emma taking course work which will allow her to fulfill her dream...Suzanne and Scott beginning their life together after so many years together...Dan being healed enough to find the perfect new dog...Legacy clients reclaiming their health so that they can imagine life uncompromised by pain and injury.

Hope abounds. People persevere. Life is good.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

FAKE OR THE REAL THING?

No, I not talking about boobs although, in Dallas, to not have breast implants takes a lot of courage!

I'm talking about food.

Every time we grocery shop and put a product in our shopping cart, we are sending a message to ourselves and to others: this is who I am...this is what I am made of...this is a core value.

If I choose margarine instead of organic butter or Ghee, it's like I am wearing a gaudy, bawdy T-shirt that says "I don't give a %@*^ about what goes in my body and I'm proud of it". Essentially, if I buy a food product that is actually something that was created in a laboratory instead of by nature, I am saying that I am fine with ingesting petrol-chemical products that have no food value and may be seriously toxic to my system. I am also saying that I am okay with these poisons being on the market so that others can feed them to their families.

But I'm not okay with it. When it comes to the state of child health in America, I am really not okay with it.

The Dallas Morning News ran an article last week that stated it is now a recommendation that children be tested for high cholesterol. This is insanity, folks.

What I really don't understand is how intelligent people with the wealth of information on hand about food, chemicals in the food, in the soil, nutritional needs, and the statistics on childhood diabetes (now this cholesterol thing) can continue to buy into the American C.R.A.P. Diet - Conventional...Refined...Additives...Preservatives.

The only reason I can come up with that explains this behavior is that their minds have been impaired because they have been eating fake their entire lives. I may sound like a broken record but "Eat cleanly. Think clearly. Live fully!"

We need real food in order to run our hormonal, digestive, cleansing, and neurological pathways. Garbage in, garbage out. Do you want your blood cells, the millions created every day, to be the stuff of iced tea sweetened with the chemical called aspartame, or pure, un-chlorinated water? Do you want your sex hormones to be made from something that came out of a petri dish or something that has the natural building blocks our body needs?

http://www.westonaprice.org/know-your-fats/questions-and-misconceptions-on-fats-and-oils

Most people wouldn't talk up the bogus art piece they purchased or that the five-carat diamond they are wearing is a fake. Many women who do choose to have plastic surgery deny it. People don't want to advertise that what they have or do isn't real. But when you run a boxed or canned food through the check out line at the supermarket, your T-shirt says "Fake as a fake can be."

Eat better. Feel better. Look better. Teach your children the difference by supporting their chance to thrive in an increasingly toxic world. Live more authentically because you are eating that way.

You are what eat. Eat real food.

And, by the way, my boobs are real...just saying, though that's not saying much!

What iPod Can Teach Us About Ourselves

In a 2006 interview with Newsweek, Steve Jobs said: "Look at the design of a lot of consumer products - they're really complicated surfaces. We tried to make something much more holistic and simple. When you first start off trying to solve a problem, the first solutions you come up with are very complex, and most people stop there. But if you keep going, and live with the problem and peel more layers of the onion off, you can often-times arrive at some very elegant and simple solutions."

Substitute yourself for the iPod.

Think about it.

As we have 'survived' our lives, we have made ourselves very complicated products...layer after layer of personae, each with its light and shadow sides, some recognized and honored, others despised and hidden even from ourselves. In an effort to become whole, become happier, live more authentically, we do attempt to peel off these layers like peeling off the layers of an onion. Sometimes, it is too painful. Sometimes, we are too invested in our "story". Sometimes, we are afraid that if we peel away too much, there won't be anything left of us. Sometimes, we give up because it is too difficult to "live with the problem" until we are better equipped to craft a solution.

But if we persevere, if we have a good 'coach' or mentor, we are able to arrive at a very elegant and simple self.

This is our true self. This is the person we are born to be.

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT DEATH...

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2011

...about life. And sacrifice.

More than likely, on this tenth year anniversary of 9/11, I am not the only one doing so.

I remember being in New York City after the terrorist attack, seeing Fire Stations in the Tribeca area bearing the tributes to those first responders: public servants who might have thought twice about what they were rushing toward, but did it anyway.

Two of my cousins - in high school when I was born - became firemen. Later, one moved to Alaska and became a police officer, not on horseback or in a squad car, but in a single engine plane. He flew his beat. Coming home from work one day, he flew into a freakish snow storm not forecast and unusual for that time of the year. His plane went down and he was killed. Bobby was larger than life to me - a beautiful man who was a body-builder, a mountain man born in the Rockies and happier in the wilderness than in civilization, a man who died doing what he loved. There is a kind of peace in that for me.

One definition of "sacrifice" is the surrender or loss of something in order to gain an objective.

This morning, I read the story of an off-duty NYC fire fighter, who, while driving to play golf, saw the first plane hit the Tower. He turned around and drove toward the city, but unable to get through the Tunnel by car, he abandoned his vehicle and ran through the Tunnel to the Towers. He lost his life that day ten years ago. I think about all those who went into that hell as others were trying to get away from it as fast as they could. (His family established the Tunnel to Towers 5K race in his honor and millions of dollars have been raised for those in need...a wonderful remembrance of this man.)

Giving your life because your job may require it is the ultimate sacrifice, but I have been reminded over the years that sacrifices are made daily for those we love. My friend, Kenny, loved his family. When his architectural firm fell on hard times, he moved to Los Angeles, leaving his wife and two kids in Dallas, in order to take a lesser position so he could feed his family and send his kids to college. He didn't want to leave, but he sacrificed his needs for those of his family. Men (and now women in the military) have been forced to do this through the ages.

Which brings me to Karlis. He was on the Russian plane that crashed into the Volga River on Wednesday. He was on that plane, with the rest of his hockey team, because he made the choice to leave his expectant wife and two daughters in the States in order to sign a player's contract that would insure the financial safety of a family he loved. This has been an ugly week.

But life goes on...

...as it should.

I think about my own death. Of course, I can laugh at the Woody Allen line: "I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." I don't want to die; I'll hate missing out on the things that will happen after I'm gone! In reality, I don't want to be forgotten, but would I want my daughter's life to stop just because mine had? Absolutely not.

Memory is not always accurate...we may forget some of the details, embellish others, have selective recall about certain events and people in our lives. Every person that has truly been a part of our experience here has left an imprint on us. They are carried with us into everything we experience as we go forward. The term "washboard abs" always makes me think of my friend Kenny, because he had them and he knew I loved them! People who met Karlis briefly through the business I am a part of have emailed condolences not only to me and my partner, but for us to pass along to his family...he was such a good man and they were struck by the force of his goodness. Those things do not die in us because the person was taken away from us.

I have been thinking about death...

...about life and sacrifice.

But mostly, about remembrance: a sacred act.

KISS YOUR BABIES...

...AND TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM, because life is short.

Life might be likened to a spider's web: intricate, delicate, beautiful, strong, complex, whimsical...

...able to be destroyed by the flick of the wrist.

We get so caught up in our daily routines we often forget that our time here is not a given, to paraphrase Alicia Keys. There are no guarantees. What we do have is this moment in time. What we do with it has the potential to be so meaningful, so loving, so compassionate, so REAL...

...or so ugly, hurtful, mean-spirited.

If what you said right now was going to be the last words you uttered, what would you want them to be? If what you experienced with the person in front of you was going to be the last thing they experienced, what would you want that to be?

"Every day here is a gift".

Rest in peace, Karlis.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kārlis_Skrastiņš

WELL, MAYBE NOT EXACTLY...

My blogs are usually personal, reflecting some troubling aspect of a life lesson that I am attempting to get a handle on.

Many times I have said that there is no unique human experience and many readers have commented that they felt I was reading their minds when I wrote about what I was grappling with. But I was wrong about that.

More specifically, I should have said there is no unique human emotion. We all experience anger, sadness, love, fear...we may or may not share an experience that creates that emotion in us.

I remember being in a department store with my three year-old daughter. I was buying a lipstick or something and when I turned around, Kelsey was not in sight. Nowhere. I called her name. No response. She had been right beside me, but I couldn't find her. I started to feel a rising panic as I made small but every widening circles from the make-up counter in search of her. This went on for several minutes - maybe only seconds in reality - as I began to imagine the worst: my child had been taken. I began to get physically ill, praying that she was safe, trying to decide if now was the moment I called store security. And then, there she was, right in front of me, as though she had been there all the time.

I can tell you what that sick fear feels like. I share that emotion with the mother who has had a child taken from a playground or her front yard. Our human experience was not the same, but our initial gut reaction was exactly the same...disbelief, terror, a sickness in the pit of the stomach that cannot be described in words.

There is no unique human emotion. The experiences that create these emotions are what create "our story" as Byron Katie calls our life. The experience is the landscape of our life and that terrain varies from individual to individual. The visceral reaction is the underpinning that connects us in our humanity, just as the earth's crust has a structural foundation upon which mountains, valleys, prairie lands, and the seas rest.

I was lucky. My child was safe, unharmed, probably not even aware of what had happened in that store those few moments. Do I know what the other mother went through as hours grew into days or weeks? Well, not exactly, and yet we are sisters.

A SELF-FULLFILLING PROPHECY?

I believe that many of us would be happier and more productive if we could learn to turn our minds off!

What? Blasphemy. Heresy. No, truth.

Proof of this can be found in the number of best selling books that coax, teach, exhort us to do just that:

"Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life"

by Martin E. P Seligman, Ph.D.

"Stillness Speaks" by Eckhart Tolle

"Loving What Is" by Byron Katie with Stephen Mitchell

"The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Diodge, M.D.

"Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of happiness, Love and Wisdom"

by Hanson, Ph.D., and Mendius, M.D.

Modern research on the brain has centered around the concept of neuroplasticity: Neuroplasticity is a non-specific neuroscience term referring to the ability of the brain and nervous system in all species to change structurally and functionally as a result of input from the environment.

This concept of neuroplasticity opens the door to the idea that - with some effort on our part - we can change the way we think, change how our brain works, change the mind that controls and structures our view of the world and our place in that world.

Hallelujah and zip-a-dee-do-dah!

As Doidge writes, our thoughts can change the structure and function of our brains, even into old age. We have heard of the 'power of positive thinking', but there is now scientific credibility that moves this concept from the area of self-help into the science section of your favorite book store.

Here is my concern: if, as Byron Katie writes, the root cause of suffering is identification with our thoughts, with the 'stories' that are continuously running through our minds like a bad "Groundhog Day", can the cycle be broken?

On a personal level, this is a constant struggle for me. I have had success with thoughts of gratitude, with nipping a fearful thought in the bud, so to speak. Conversely, I can do a number on myself! The only cure is a relentless attention to what I think...giving myself permission to not believe every thought that runs through my head...knowing that change is possible...fiercely claiming happiness as my right and my purpose. This requires, in part, a faith that 'what is' is what is supposed to be and making peace with that without delegating responsibility for myself to some other entity.

U. S. Anderson wrote "Three Magic Words", another book about changing how we think. He speaks of The Mental Diet. This is a wonderful thirty-day exercise anyone can do and isn't your health and happiness worth an investment of the next thirty days? The answer to that question is yes!

Here are the steps in Anderson's Mental Diet:

1. For two days, record all negative thought.

2. For thirty days, first reject all negative thought. (Trudy Evans, C. H., teaches her students and clients to say "Cancel, cancel, cancel" whenever one comes into the mind.)

3. Entertain only positive thoughts of good and abundance.

4. Engage in a daily period of thought control through breathing exercises. (The Navy Seals use breath control as one part of a four-part program to move the brain away from problem solving via the amygdala to use of the frontal lobe.)

5. Meditate every day.

Are we self-fullfilling prophecies? We can be!

"Until you become a master of your thinking, you will never become master of your fate." U. S. Anderson

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE

We can't see it, but we can sure feel it!

Negative energy.

There are several ways in which we can protect ourselves from the effects of being around people who emit this type of energy: we can simply steer clear of them...we can wear a clove of garlic underneath our shirts...we can meditate before we know we are going to be with them, surrounding ourselves with that universal "white light" as a protective measure...we can bless the divine in them and offer an affirmation for joy and positive energy in their lives.

We can also become engulfed in the turmoil they carry with them.

But what good does that do them or us? When we are vulnerable, either because we are tired or have not properly fed or exercised ourselves, we are more susceptible to being dragged down by a negative person.

Studies show that most of the time, energy emanating from a positive, happy person can actually change the energy in a room full of fifty people; positive energy is that strong! There are, however, some folks who can drag a happy person down to their unhappy level, albeit unconsciously.

Emotion is contagious.

In his book The Tipping Point, author Malcolm Gladwell writes that "Emotion goes inside-out. Emotional contagion, though, suggests that the opposite is also true. If I can make you smile, I can make you happy. If I can make you frown, I can make you sad. Emotion, in this sense, goes outside-in."

Some of us are very good at expressing our emotions and feelings. This makes us much more emotionally 'contagious' than those who are not good at this expression. Psychologists call good expressers "senders." They would, in medical terms, be called carriers. There is a second group of people who are very susceptible to these senders or carriers.

Howard Friedman, a psychologist at the University of California, Riverside, developed the Affective Communication Test, which measures the ability to send emotion, to be contagious. In tests Friedman conducted with those who scored well on the test and those who didn't, he found that low-scorers ended up - in just a few minutes, without a word being spoken - picking up on the moods of the high-scorers. Gladwell writes, "If the charismatic person started out depressed, and the inexpressive person started out happy, by the end of the two minutes the inexpressive person was depressed as well. But it didn't work the other way. Only the charismatic person could infect the other people in the room with his or her emotions."

Emotion can progess much like a disease!

How, then, do we protect ourselves from the disease of negative energy? Obviously, be a charismatic person...be a carrier, a "sender." But what if charisma is not our forte?

I think we serve ourselves well if we are in tune with who we are and what our core values are. Someone firmly rooted in their sense of self is not easily swayed from what grounds them. Additionally, if we know where our emotional weak links are, we are better able to protect those weak areas while we work to build a better foundation upon which to stand. I have written before about Rick Hanson's book, Budda's Brain. As the book jacket reads, "Buddha's Brain draws on the latest research to show how to stimulate and strengthen your brain for more fulfilling relationships, a deeper spiritual life, and a greater sense of inner confidence and worth. You'll learn how to activate the brain states of calm, joy, and compassion instead of worry, sorrow, and anger." All the better to withstand the negative energy around you.

Practically, understand that you are allowed to set boundaries; people are only allowed the access you give them. Being a loving, caring person does not mean that you are required to let anyone walk over or through you in order to have their needs met. Do not invite negative energy in by being too accessible to those who have it. You are 'a people', too!

Know that it is perfectly okay for you to have a good day when even those closest to you are not. I came to realize one of my most freeing life lessons when my daughter was in high school: it was alright for me to be happy even when she was miserable. One morning, she left for school almost in tears from something unresolved in her social life from the night before. I was so very wrapped up in her (no boundaries) that I worried for her, about her and was miserable for the both of us all day. When she came home from school, she was fine...just fine...and I had made myself a pathetic wreck of a person all day.

As always, I come back to cultivating a sense of humor about life. Delicious ironies abound. Perhaps this is divine intelligence having a good time...God enjoying a joke like the rest of us!

There are many things in life that are serious, but taking oneself too seriously is pomposity. Allowing a person with negative energy to take over your emotional life is taking things way too seriously. Lighten up and laugh!

Know who you are. Have boundaries in place. Choose happiness. Change your brain, if called for. Avoid, affirm, meditate, or pray, but leave the garlic for that relaxing, home cooked meal you are planning!

THINK ON THIS

When the subject of meditation comes to mind, many picture the cartoon with the turbaned swami, in lotus position, sitting at the entrance of a cave on a mountain top. If not this image, perhaps one of tie-died, alternative lifestyle proponents...or those not willing to live in the here and now...or slackers...or Yanni fans.

Meditate, as defined in the dictionary, is to think intently and at length; to reflect deeply on a subject. This may be for spiritual purposes.

Would it surprise you to know that meditation is a practice which can actually change the way your mind works in order to achieve health and wellness, higher levels of performance, minimize or eradicate certain medical conditions, and create joy?

In "The Practical Neuroscience of Buddha's Brain" by Rick Hanson, PhD., Dr. Hanson writes:

'Meditation increases gray matter in brain regions that handle attention,

compassion, and empathy. It also helps a variety of medical conditions,

strengthens the immune system, and improves psychological functioning.'

Wow. Maybe those New Age goof-bugs are on to something!

The medical conditions that have been shown to improve upon entering into the practice of meditation are...allergies...anxiety...asthma...binge eating...cancer...depression...fatigue...heart conditions...high blood pressure...pain...sleep irregularities...substance abuse.

Even the June 2011 issue of "Health" magazine calls meditation "The single best All-Natural Painkiller". In a study at Wake Forest University School of Medicine, meditation reduced pain by 40 percent as compared with morphine, which only reduced the same pain by 25 percent. Robert Coghill, PhD, associate professor of neurobiology said subjects used the "focused attention" technique in dealing with the effects of a pain-inducing heating device used in the controlled study. (Health.com)

So - as the joke goes - Don't just do something...sit there!

The mind/brain is a powerful combination, but as I have written before, the mind is not always our friend. Often it actually gets in the way of our achievement and happiness. Richard Dawkins, author of "The Selfish Gene", talks about 'memes', which are self-replicating ideas, usually of a negative nature. Dr. Hanson, in "Buddha's Brain", writes that the mind is wired to go to a negative and hang onto it, constantly seeing every life event through the lens of that negative image. Both authors believe that this 'self-replication' entrenches that negative thought, giving it greater power over us each time it runs the circuit through our brain.

Meditation can redirect this mind game.

"We are sick with fascination for the useful tools of names and numbers, of symbols, signs, conception and ideas. Meditation is therefore the art of suspending verbal and symbolic thinking for a time, somewhat as a courteous audience will stop talking when a concert is about to begin." Alan Watt.

But suspend thinking for what?

Meditation is the art of going within.

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." Carl Jung

Traditional religion and the Esoterics teach that the "creator" gives us an inner wisdom, holy spirit, higher intelligence, subconscious mind - whatever you want to call it. This knowing presence always serves as a guide to where we want to go and via the most direct route. All we have to do is to be quiet long enough to hear that wisdom we hold within and then act on it.

Make no mistake. Meditation is a practice. It is not always easy to meditate. It is a life-long pursuit of a state that Osho calls "no-mind" - the ability to be a mirror, to watch the world, our thoughts, pass through us without attachment of emotion or an expectation of outcome.

"Meditation is at its most potent when you have no expectation, when you're open to everything and when you maintain an attitude of naive fascination." Paul Wilson in "The Quiet"

How to start if you have never tried to meditate? Going back to the "focused attention" tecnhique: Close your eyes, breathe through your nose, and concentrate on the air coming in and going out. Feel the warm air on your upper lip as you exhale. If your 'mind' wanders, let it. Tell it you will come back to that in a bit and redirect your attention to the breath on your lip. The more you practice, the better it works!

"He who breathes deepest lives most." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The Legacy Performance and Integrated Wellness Center hosts Guided Meditations each month. We know the power of thought...Step 3 in the Legacy Wellness Program: Begin to think. We use meditation as a tool for Goal Setting, Performance Training, Life-Living! Check our monthly calendar for times. (Monday, May 23rd. at 7:00 PM is the next one!)

CREATING A REFUGE

I am reading "Buddha's Brain", written by Rick Hanson, PhD and neuropsychologist.

Wow, I say WOW!

What an easy to read explanation of how the brain works...the scientific and neurological explanation of why we reinforce disempowering meme structures that take us farther and farther away from what we truly want, which is happiness, love, and peace of mind.

The chapter I read last night talked about one's haven or refuge...and asked if the reader had one and what it was. The author talked about a place, person, concept or activity, as examples, that represented safety and a sense of calmness when we engaged with that place, person or thing.

This totally rocked my boat because my first response was that I did not have such a thing in my life. And that started me throwing what he calls 'second darts' at myself This is the very act of buying into an old thought pattern that is usually false, and definitely serves only to create pain or sadness, becoming a more entrained thought pattern each time one calls it up. This sets one up for the next opportunity to throw that same miserable 'dart'...oh, poor me: I've moved around my whole life, I ended a long marriage and am alone, my daughter is healthy and independent...I have no safe place, no one to depend upon...yada, yada, yada.

I started to really look at my life. Really look at my life. I used a bit of Byron Katie, asking myself the four questions...

...is it true that I have no safe haven?

...is it absolutely true that I have no safe haven?

...how would I feel if I didn't believe this?

...and, then, the turn-around, which is always the truth-seeking missile in the process!

Question 1: it is true that I live alone, have no extended family, and choose not to rely upon my only child.

Question 2: nothing can be absolutely true. I have spent the last twenty years creating a home and a yard that is soothing, comforting, lovely to look at, comfortable to be in, and feels safe from harm. This is as true for me now as it was when I was married and living in this same house.

Question 3: if I didn't feel alone, without a safety net, how would I feel? Well, I would dance in the moonlight, feel light as a zephyr, revel in the deliciousness of life, have a happy, open heart!

Question 4: the turnaround? No one is responsible for my safety, my peace of mind, my joy, my lovingness, my life, but me. If I don't feel safe, have a place of refuge where I can cleanse myself from the world, it is no one's fault but my own. Period. The world doesn't owe me anything. No person in this world owes me anything. I owe myself everything!

So what did I gain from this exercise? Clarity. Insight. Joy - a small little pattern broken, which starts to create a positive mental construct I can use on the next 'dart'. Power. A feeling of calm and a sense of myself as the master of my circumstances.

The buck stops here!

IF A PELICAN SHOWS UP...

...IT MEANS:

This is an opportunity to forgive either yourself or someone else and release any built-up guilt or resentment...from Animal Spirit Guides by Steven D. Farmer, PhD

There is a lot of talk about forgiveness.

We are supposed to forgive those who have hurt us...ask for forgiveness from those we feel we have hurt...forgive the Universe as a collective - can't leave anyone out there! But the most important and most difficult part of forgiveness is forgiving ourselves.

I bring this up because I had a dream last night in which a pelican did show up! The handbook I referenced above has been pretty spot-on when it comes to deciphering the meaning of animals in my life.

Just so happens, that I have been thinking about forgiveness.

You know for every five or ten people who think you are so caring and loving and helpful...as a person, as a coach...there is at least one person who thinks you are a jerk, or worse, a fraud. I had an email encounter with one such person a few weeks ago.

This is a woman who had been a good friend. After my divorce, we both tried to continue the friendship, but we drifted farther and farther apart, spent less and less time together, never talked on the phone. I could go into detail about how my conversations with her made me feel...what I felt she was about regarding my new life and that of my former husband. But, truly, that doesn't matter. When her youngest daughter got married, I did not travel to the wedding, I did not send a gift right away (I had every intention of doing so, but it wasn't high on my list of priorities). In short, I did not treat this event with much care and love. My friend was hurt. And rightfully so. She never called me to task. What I did receive was an email six months later telling me to take her off my client email list and just how despicable she thought I was.

I was a bit taken aback. My response was to agree to do so, tell her that I accepted my share of responsibility in the failed friendship, and to offer my apologies.

What truly surprised me was how I digested this emotional tidbit.

I accepted the truth of my neglect and her hurt over how I had handled the situation. In my mind, I acknowledged that, even though I would not have gone to the wedding, I could have handled everything else about that event differently and in a way that would have assured my friend that I, too, felt it was an important and special life event. I also acknowledged that because I made the choice not to do those things, I didn't value the friendship now the way I had once. I asked the Universe for forgiveness. I forgave myself for not being perfect, not being the perfect, loving friend to this person. I allowed myself the freedom to screw up, took responsibility for that, and understood her hurt, which had turned into anger with me.

Do I think I took the high road when it came to the wedding six months ago? No. I knew I was not responding in the way of a friend. Do I think I took the high road when it came to her email? Yes, if taking the high road is not getting angry with her because she called me on my behavior or resenting her for rubbing my nose in some stinky business of mine. Will I remember this and try to do better? Yes.

So my little pelican friend showed up at the perfect time. This was an opportunity to forgive myself for still having work to do as I grow into the person I am meant to be! This was also an opportunity to see how much I have grown in the last four years.

I forgive the Universe. The Universe forgives me. I forgive myself.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

An article in the World News section of the paper had a small mention of a law about to be passed in Brazil...

...and I quote:

"In a nation known for its jubilant spirit, massive parties and seemingly intrinsic ability to celebrate anything, is a constitutional amendment really required to protect the pursuit of happiness?

Several lawmakers think so, and a bill to amend Brazil's constitution to make the search for happiness an inalienable right is expected to be approved soon by the Senate."

WOW! Really?

Not only that, but Brazil is not the first country to push this officially; Japan and South Korea include the right to happiness in their constitutions and the British government is spending a bloody fortune on a project to measure citizens' well-being.

Of course, in 1776, the U.S. Declaration of Independence wrote about "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" so perhaps this recent development isn't really news after all.

Legislation allowing people to be happy? WOW! Really? This seems kinda' sad.

Do we actually need permission, laws, telling us it's okay to pursue an "inalienable" right? Doesn't "inalienable" mean that it is not subject to forfeiture, repudiation, or transfer to another?

As I think about society, the people I come into contact with on a daily basis, even if only superficially, I'm not sure I hear any laughter. Don't people laugh any more? I'm thinking not so much. Statistics show that children laugh almost all the time, but by adulthood, we are barely even showing teeth. I wrote about this in an earlier blog; here is a quote from June 5th:

"Children smile 400 times a day on average...adults 15 times.

Children laugh 150 times a day...adults 6 times per day.

Children play between 4-6 hours a day...adults only 20 minutes

a day.

What's happened?"

Robert Holden (from 'Living Wonderfully')

I believe this happens because we have lost the belief that we deserve to be happy. What if we knew that our only purpose, as decreed by The Universe, Divine Intelligence, God, whatever you believe runs the place, was to live in a state of happiness? Brene Brown says we need "The courage to be imperfect." Only because we feel we are flawed - the original sin concept in Christian religion - do we believe that we need to punish ourselves by withholding happiness from our lives. What if we got over that notion? WOW! Would life be good, or what?

But isn't our mind already made up? And if so, can it be changed? Richard J. Davidson, a pre-eminent researcher on the topic of Neuroplasticity, defines that term as "The brain being the organ built to change in response to experience." If experience does change the brain because it is malleable, then we need to provide the brain with experiences that change it in the way we want it to move. We need to understand that we are in charge of our brain, not the other way round.

Many protocols help with this process of brain change: daily affirmations, meditation, surrounding yourself with people who live with gusto and good energy, smiling even if you don't feel like it (fake it 'til you make it) and exercise. WOW!...physical exercise is better for brain health than cognitive exercise because it changes the building blocks for brain growth, allowing new neurons to be born. (Google NPR audio on physical exercise and brain growth - hippocampus - for a good listen on this study.) The study showed that in a control group of unfit people, 40 minutes of walking three times a week was enough to stimulate brain growth.

Bottom line: quit your stinkin' thinkin' as Paul Chek always says!

Go to this link for an absolutely beautiful experience that might just change your way of thinking and your life so you don't have to chase happiness...you will have created it.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

WOW! Really.

...PERCHANCE, TO DREAM...

Most dreams occur during REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep. Criteria for REM sleep includes not only rapid eye movement, but also low muscle tone and a rapid, low-voltage EEG; these features are easily discernible in a polysomnogram. REM Sleep stages last between five and forty-five minutes! Our REM sleep comes in short segments at the beginning of sleep and lengthens toward morning. That is why it is often easier to remember a dream upon waking in the morning; you have just experienced it and for a long time!

Many folks say they never dream, but that is just not so. Everyone dreams, but not everyone trains themselves to remember their dreams. Often, we are disturbed by our dreams or feel that they are so odd and disjointed that they can't have any meaning or significance in our waking lives. This may play a part in the forgetting.

"Dreams don't waste our time." Carl Jung

How can you begin to remember what goes on in your dream life? Upon going to bed, tell yourself - right before you fall asleep - that you will wake in the morning refreshed and able to recall the dreams you had during the night. Do this every night, even if it doesn't materialize that way right away! Over a period of time, you will have sent the message to your subconscious mind that you want to remember your dreams and your subconscious mind only knows how to manifest, so it will happen.

Keep a dream journal. Write down what you recall from dreams the night before. As time passes, these journalings will become more and more detailed as you recall your dreams more and more vividly. Some dreamers I know write down the dream during the night upon waking up from one. If that seems too sleep-disruptive (turning on a bright light can do that), do what others do and have a tape recorder on the bedside table so that you can speak into and record what you have just dreamed. This record can then be transcribed into your journal.

What is the point of keeping a dream journal?

Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of communicating, problem-solving, and instructing you when the conscious mind is out of the way! The conscious mind needs sleep. The subconscious mind never sleeps. Those who meditate find that dreams can be the answer to puzzles they have been trying to solve: ask for an answer as you meditate before you drift off to sleep and the response may be given you in dream form during the night. For those who believe that The Universe is always broadcasting, dreams are a way to tap into that higher frequency. Einstein said that he solved many problems while asleep...the equations were completed in his REM sleep.

What do your dreams mean?

Often, it is easier to interpret a dream someone else has than to interpret our own. We are too close to our problems...it's 'the forest for the trees' thing. There are many good books that deal with universal dream symbols. These can be instructive, fun, and help you in ferreting through the symbols rife in your dream world. Many clinical hypnotherapists, psychologists, intuits, shamans, and those gifted with clairsentient skills can help you read your dreams. Find a skilled teacher and bring him or her into your life.

Your dreams can show you what you have mastered, what you need to work on, where your struggles are, who you truly are...they can tell you what is coming to you, what you fear, what you can create...they are like a life road map, showing where you've been and where you are going. And they are fun! Isn't everyone fascinated with themselves? Don't we want to peel back the layers of the onion (us) and see what's inside?

If we can see what's inside, our fear of the unknown is dissolved.

Often, our Shadow Self, is revealed to us in dreams, also our animus or anima. Fear of our shadow is fear of something we can't look in the face. Once we shine a light on something we are afraid of, that thing seems less threatening, more manageable, less in control of us. Dream analysis allows us the opportunity to do just that: shine a light on 'the dark night of the soul'. There are always two meanings to a dream: one, the outer life and the other, the inner life. This is why some of the symbols are so ordinary and may reflect something that actually happened in the recent past. Those same symbols also point to what is going on in our spiritual life, though I do not mean that in the religious context. We all have spirit inside us, soul. This is where growth happens. This is where we define our purpose and gather the strength to accomplish what we are here to do.

Here is a sample of one of my dreams and how it was interpreted by one of my teachers:

I am on a scooter, leaving a filing station. This is on a huge space, on a corner, in a large city, but it has a deserted feel. There are no people or cars anywhere. As I am headed for the street, a silver Porsche drives in. I think the driver is my former husband. I think he will slow down and I will do a maneuver on my scooter and we will end up in the same direction at the same speed - like a crazy movie car stunt. The car doesn't do that. The driver is a man, but faceless, not my former husband. I am in the car. Me, exactly as I am now...same age, hair, same face...and I am laughing like crazy. In my dream, sitting on that scooter, I am so surprised to see myself.

(When I woke up, it felt so odd to have had a dream where I look like myself. Although I have been in almost all of my dreams, this was the first time that I appeared this way. That made me feel the dream was an important one.)

My teacher studies The Tree of Life and the Qabalah, so she always sees the symbols as they refer back to that knowledge. Yesod is the sephirot (energy center) designating balance between emotion and intellect. Though the color of Yesod is purple, the corresponding metal is silver. This would indicate that I am finally learning how to maintain a balance between my emotions (which are what I have always led with) and my intellect. She felt from this dream that I was on the brink of a huge shift, that The Universe was communicating with me, that I am going to be all right, and that my dreams have a prophetic quality about them: I dream things a short time before they happen.

Additionally, a car represents the human body, how one gets around in the world. My former husband represents my masculine side, the one that is trying to be responsible and take care of me.

I interpret this dream to mean that where I once relied upon a husband to care for me because I was too childlike to want that responsibility, I am willing to take care of myself, am learning to do that...that companionship is a plus, but not a necessity...that I am filled with laughter (true enough!) and truly a happy person now...that I AM a sleek and racy sports car...that I will be all right.

Some books about dream analysis...

Animal Spirit Guides by Stephen Farmer, PhD

The Complete Dictionary of Symbol (no author, just editor)

A Dictionary of Symbols by J.E. Cirlot

Dream Power by Dr. Ann Faraday

Just remember..."A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes..."

...ANOTHER DAY HERE

There has been sad news the last two days about the passing of a Dallas fashion icon. Shelly Musselman died this morning of a brain aneurysm suffered while skiing down Aspen mountain with her husband and some dear friends. A beautiful, vibrant, nice woman, Shelly was in her late fifties and this is shocking, for she was fit and healthy in appearance and lifestyle.

I write about this not because I knew her other than a smile shared when we passed in the hair salon or at the organic cafe we both frequented. I write about this not because the most expensive dress I have ever bought came from her elegant shop. I write about this because our days on this earth, in this life, are not a given and we don't have a crystal ball into which we can peer for answers to our future.

I write about this because events such as this are opportunities for the rest of us to take stock of where we are, attend to some housekeeping details:

My business partner and I discuss the necessity for life insurance our company purchases to protect the survivor should one of us meet an untimely death.

I reaffirm to my daughter that I love her "to pieces".

I examine the course of my life: note the changes needed, be the person I say I want to be, create the life I feel I am meant to live. Don't wait.

I tell myself that I love me. Whatever needs to righted on my personal ship, needs to be righted.

Reaffirming what and who is important to me allows me to be sure that my calendar reflects time spent on what I say matters to me.

Every second I draw breath is an opportunity to live out loud, to love until my heart fairly bursts, to laugh until the tears roll down my cheeks, to quietly wonder at the beauty all around me, to be grateful for every drop of every thing that has puddled up to make my life what it is.

Having said all that and with respect for the sudden, tragic loss of this woman to her family, who wouldn't want to go they way she went? Given the guarantee of a painless, quick death flying down a beautiful mountain as opposed to the prospect of withering away from some debilitating disease in a bed or wheelchair surrounded by a bunch of people doing the same, I would grab at the mountain option.

Life is a tenuous filament, a gossamer wisp, to be cherished with awe...

"I don't want to forget that the present is a gift

And I don't want to take for granted

The time you may have here with me

'Cause Lord only knows another day here's not really guaranteed."

Like You'll Never See Me Again by

Alicia Keys