Veteran's Day - My Dad

My dad enlisted in the Army Air Corps (there was no Air Force back then) right out of high school.

After training - he tells a wonderful story about his first solo touch-and-go flight that makes me smile to this day - he was sent to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. This was toward the end of World War 2.

He used to show me photos of his time there...the jungle, a little dog he adopted, his buddies in his unit, his plane, his plane shot down. The most remarkable thing about these pictures, for me, is how young these boys were...how young my dad was and how thin; they all had the bodies of my friends in high school, all shoulders, no waist or hips, ribs poking through...kids.

Daddy has a wonderful sense of humor, quite the joker, though more mellow now. He seemed so strong to me, healthy, fit. He said once, when looking at his island pictures, that the only thing that could make him sick at his stomach happened there. He would never tell me what that was. I imagined it must have been pretty horrific.

After the war, my dad, who was an orphan, was able to go to college, courtesy of the United States Government. He graduated from Colorado School of Mines in Golden, Colorado and still consults as a petroleum engineer today. He is also an inventor with several patents! He is 85.

I know that some wars are necessary for the greater good...many wars are political or economic...I am not an advocate of military solutions being the only solutions. But I want to acknowledge and thank the men and women who served and serve...their reasons are many, and while interesting, not germane here.

They go to hell and back because their country tells them to do so...thank you, Dad.

The Devil Made Me Do It...

...many of you are too young to remember that line from a weekly skit on the Flip Wilson show. Many of you are probably too young to even know who Flip Wilson was! A funny guy, Flip had a sketch on his TV variety show in which he would dress up as a woman, in red, do something totally outrageous and inappropriate and then, when called to task for 'her' behavior, use as the excuse, "The devil made me do it!"

Funny stuff, back then.

Last week, I was working through something with one of my mentors when she pulled out her Tarot deck. (I can see some of your eyes rolling around in their sockets!) She thumbed through the deck until she came to the card she was seeking and pulled it out so we could talk about it in the context of my 'something'.

The study of the Tarot cards is woven into astrology, the study of the symbolism of Hebrew words and numbers and The Tree of Life. The Tarot has long been thought to be one of the finest explanatory records of the supreme mysteries and students of the Tarot who glean an understanding of its principles learn to apply this tradition and way of thinking to problem solving in modern life. The Tarot has been defined as "a key to the wisdom of the Ages".

My kindergarten understanding of this ancient knowledge could not begin to do it justice so I won't regurgitate too much of a bookish explanation of The Devil Tarot card. I do want to present the lesson, if you will, in the way it was presented to me by my mentor.

If you have never seen The Devil, card 15 in the Tarot deck, google it so you have a visual as a point of reference.

We are all stuck on some problem in our human development.

While the problem may be a universal one, we express our work with, through it, in our own unique and individual way. It is the same as the way in which we each express our genetics...as individual as our fingerprints. Even twins do not express their genetics in exactly the same manner.

For example, the 'problem' may be that we did not feel loved by our mother. That sense of being unloved and unloveable ("If my own mother didn't love me, how can anyone love me?) manifests itself as the inability to love oneself. But this may present itself as an eating disorder, drug abuse, bodily injury, insatiable sexual appetite, emotional disconnect, ending relationships before the other person can end them first, or sabotaging success. Because we have never learned how to love ourselves unconditionally, we are stuck just like a hamster in a cage on the wheel...going round and round, repeating the same hurtful behavior patterns, asking why we continue to do the thing that brings us so much pain.

This is where The Devil card comes in.

If you look at the card, a huge half man-half beast Devil is sitting on a pedestal, larger than life, with two dwarfed humans, a woman and a man, on either side. These figures are chained. Though they are chained, the loops of the chains are only loosely draped around their necks.

In fact the loops of the chains are so large that, at any time, they might life them off their heads.

Their bondage is imaginary.

"This Tarot card represents the first stage of spiritual unfoldment. It is the stage of conscious bondage. The Devil personifies the false conception that man is bound by material conditions, the false notion that he is a slave to necessity, a sport of chance.

In truth, the forces which appear to be our adversaries are always ready to serve us. The one condition is that we understand our essential freedom and take account of the hidden side of existence.....The Devil is sensation, divorced by ignorance from understanding. Yet he is also what brings renewal, because we can make no real effort to be free until we feel our limitations. Until they irk us, we can make no effort to strike off our chains." (The Tarot, by Paul Foster Case)

The lesson my mentor wanted me to learn is that at any time I can choose to be free from the disempowering thoughts which enslave me. At any time, I can say enough. At any time, I can decide to live differently. At any time, I can change my perception of my life.

...so I take these chains from round my neck and dance in the moonlight.

What's the Rush?

I'm a Libra.

This is the seventh sign of the Zodiac, the sign of the cross and the sword, related to the symbolism of the number seven, and the sign for equilibrium, on both the cosmic and the psychic planes, and concerning both social and inward legality and justice.

It is said that the balance of the scales designates the equilibrium between the solar world and the planetary manifestation, between the spiritual ego of Man and the external ego, or the personality.

Learn to be who you are, not what you are.

It likewise indicates the equilibrium between good and evil; for, like Man, the scales has two tendencies, symbolized by the two symmetrically disposed pans, one tending towards the Scorpion (denoting the world of desires) and the other towards the sign of Virgo (sublimation).

Learn to balance out your inner tendencies.

The seventh sign pertains to human relations and to the union of the spirit within itself...to spiritual and mental health. It is a symbol of inner harmony and of the intercommunication between the left side (the unconscious, or matter) and the right (the consciousness, or spirit).

As a Libra, one has the ability to see both sides of something so clearly that a strong case could be made for either one. What appears to others to be indecisiveness or inertia is actually the desire to make the best possible decision when presented with two very viable choices.

I sometimes lament this trait in myself: weighing the options, taking so long to make a choice, wanting the thing chosen to be the best, not just for myself, but for all involved. It is frustrating for others. No less so for myself!

A friend recently sent me a wonderful poem by Rumi, which came at the perfect time...once again, an affirmation that The Universe wants us to thrive, be well, be happy, be whole. I share it with you, in the loving spirit in which it was given to me.

"... Deliberation is one of the qualities of God

Throw a dog a bit of something

He sniffs to see if he wants it.

Be that careful.

Sniff with your wisdom-nose.

Get clear. Then decide.

The universe came into being gradually

over six days. God could have

just commanded,

Be!

Little by little a person reaches forty and fifty

and sixty, and feels more complete.

God could have thrown

full-blown prophets flying through

the cosmos in an instant.

Jesus said one word

and a dead man sat up,

but creation usually unfolds,

like calm breakers.

Constant slow movement teaches us

to keep working

like a small creek that stays clear,

that doesn't stagnate but finds a way

through numerous details, deliberately.

Deliberation is born of joy,

like a bird from an egg.

Birds don't resemble eggs!

Think how different the hatching out is.

A white leathery snake egg, a sparrow's egg,

a quince seed, an apple seed: very different things

look similar at one stage.

These leaves, our bodily personalities seem identical

but the globe of soul fruit

we make,

each is elaborately

unique."

Know that it takes as long as it takes and that you are always

going to be given the opportunity to 'get it right'.

http://oshotimes.wordpress.com/2010/09/27/ever-so-lonely/

http://oshotimes.wordpress.com/2010/09/27/ever-so-lonely/

This is a concept I have written about several times...

...loving simply for the sake of the joy it brings to the lover, not with an expectation of anything in return.

It is easy to feel when you are with the one you love. It is more difficult to maintain when the relationship has ended.

I strive to live in this way. I continue to strive to live in this way even as it remains a mystery as to how to accomplish. I strive to love my aloneness so that I may love without expectation.

Western training and tradition do not prepare us for this way of relating. So we will have to be our own teachers.

IS EVERYONE STUCK?

First, let me say that, as a rule, I write what I need to hear or what I am telling myself at this precise moment. I am on the journey, too, and sometimes the path is narrow and overgrown so I need to send out an SOS to myself, to the truth I know resides in me, the truth that we all possess in our core.

Second, is anyone truly free or are we stuck?

We all have a story, as Byron Katie calls our life. Most of us seem extremely invested in it...we retell our story, we relive our story, we recreate our story, bringing old memes into our current existence...we wallow in our story.

My job is to get over my story. It is an albatross I carry around with me and - truth be told - I really had a pretty easy life. So why do I need to be so consumed with my past hurts? Why do I sometimes want to create a new hurt that takes me back into the old pain? Why is it that some people never even examine the causes for their misery and constricted lives? Why is it that some understand where the pain originates, but they hang on to it anyway? Why is it that some can have moments of freedom, but can't figure out how to live that way all the time? Why is it that some are always looking forward, creating life as they want to live it, steering their ship, never once looking out at the wake of the boat, which (as Wayne Dyer says) is not what propels the ship, but is a sign of expended energy.

Hanging on to the sadness in our lives is like watching the wake of a ship: it is putting all our emotional energy into where we have been and not into where we want to go.

If we truly believe that we were on this earth to be happy, fulfilled, loved, productive, creative and to love would we hang on to the carnage of our past? If we believe that Divine Intelligence cradles us and will lead us to this purpose, would we need to be sad? If we know that every good thing is already ours to revel in, would we choose to stay stuck? If we know that unhappiness is a fictitious emotion masking itself as our reality, would we invest in it?

You know when you go to a crazy movie, with an implausible plot, but you just decide to surrender to the experience and buy into it totally? How about this? What if we choose to do this with our life...what if we cho0se to buy into the fact that the Universe wants nothing more than for us to be euphorically blissful, loved beyond measure, prosperous and productive? What if we decide to believe that our life IS a movie, that we are the star of the show, the writer and the director?

What if we just let go of the junk we are holding on to and opened our consciousness to what we can now savor because we make room for wonderful experiences to rush in? This can be our reality...this can be my reality. The only thing that stands in the way of it is me...stubbornly hanging on to the past, picking stuck over free. The choice is mine...the choice is yours...stuck or free.

WHAT DO YOU VALUE?

I have been asking myself this question lately: "Have I truly learned anything?"

The reason for the query deals with the only two men I have given myself to emotionally. One was my husband of forty years, whom I divorced three years ago. I believed him to be the love of my life, but, for years, didn't feel he loved me as much as I loved him. We had a different language of love.

My family, not being a family of means, hugged...a lot! Not too much kissing, but

hugging, holding, touching. My former husband's family was not big on the touchy-

feely thing...they were gift givers. I can hear some of you saying, "And your problem

was what, exactly?"

My former husband could not tell me he loved me. Could not say those three words. It was so impossible for him that - on our 30th wedding anniversary - he gave me three beautiful diamonds (gift givers, remember?) and a note that said with those three stones, he would never have to say those three words I longed to hear. And, by God, he didn't.

It seemed funny at the time.

As it turned out, he did love me...probably much more than I loved him. The way he demonstrated that didn't feel like love to me...I thought the package of love would be wrapped up so differently - and I was 21 when we got married - so I didn't recognize it for what it was. He must have felt so unappreciated or misunderstood; it was so obvious to him that what he was giving me was how he was telling me of his love. Even in the most intimate of moments, I would tell him I loved him...nothing. I resented this, quite frankly. It took all the joy out of speaking the feelings I had for him and eventually those feelings were gone as well.

The second man I have loved is younger and I became involved with him two years ago. We were friends initially, but became physical partners. The sex was the kind I had dreamed of all my life and that probably intensified my feelings for him. Our bodies fit so perfectly together.

Even though I knew there was no future together, I was so saddened by the thought of never having that kind of physical relationship with another man that I would become sad even though we were seeing each other all the time.

I told him I loved him, have several times. He told me he loved me, but not the

marrying kind of love. I accept that because I know there are many different types of

love, I can't image getting married again and my desire to be with him was enormous.

Never doubt the power of good sex! But even though I wanted to tell him I loved him,

and he liked hearing it, it felt much like my marriage: me saying the words, getting

nothing back.

This second relationship has ended. I can not tell you the depth of my sadness, my sense of loss

and my heartache. So why am I writing about this?

In both cases, I have loved men who were emotionally unavailable to me...a husband who loved me,

but couldn't speak the words and a sexual partner who loved me, but not enough to say the words.

The similarities are so obvious to me. I pick men with whom I can't have what I say I want.

An unrelated conversation the day after things ended, centered around someone placing

"value" on the very dysfunctional memes that create so much unhappiness and chaos in that person's

life. It was as though I had been struck in the face.

The question I should be asking is not "Have I truly learned anything?" but rather "Do I value not feeling loved?"

If I place value in not being loved and the misery it can cause me - for whatever reason...the reasons are not a part of this discussion -

then I will continually try to create relationships that replicate this thing I have placed in such high regard.

While this is profoundly unsettling to me, perhaps the fact that the question has been rephrased, shines a

a brighter light on the heart of the matter and will allow me to break the cycle.

Reacting or Creating?

The same eight letters...A, C, E, G, I, N, R and T...but what a difference the arrangement can make!

My whole life has been one of reacting. I've even described myself as a leaf in a mountain stream: taken where the flow goes, no direction of my own, stuck behind a boulder until the current is strong enough to free me and send me on downstream. Of course, I can tell you why I think this is my modus operandi, but ultimately everyone has a story and what difference does it make. I would just be telling you my excuse. This is not to say that I thought of myself as a victim, for I did/do not. It is more a case in inertia than a case of being thwarted. The only thwarting going on is internal!

"We are the only species on Earth capable of preventing

our own flowering." David Whyte

The inertia is the result of not having a strong sense of my purpose, having no goals, having no plan of action with stops along the way, a roadmap created to get me from short term to mid-range to long term milestones. Procrastination can be a very real component to reacting...if you are always waiting, you are always delaying, putting off action. In one of Paul Chek's lectures, which you can find at www.chekinstitute.com, he talks about procrastination as being the handmaiden of a life without goals. Paul says that, without a purpose and a plan to achieve the goals that enable that purpose to be fulfilled, it is easy to procrastinate. You truly have no place to go so nothing is of the utmost importance and distractions can easily determine what your day looks like. We all have the same amount of time at our disposal...the difference is in how we structure and use that time.

"Know what turns you on so you can have lots of it in your life."

Sas Colby

Reacting is passive. Creating is active.

Creating is knowing what you want to accomplish and having a framework within which to work to achieve fruition. That is not to say that people who react don't have creative thoughts...that's what daydreaming is all about. And daydreaming is not wasted time; it is often the seminal seed of all accomplishments. But having a good thought and manifesting that into a good thing are not the same.

Creating is taking the daydream, seeing in your mind's eye how it would look in real life, listing all the steps that must be made in so that a concept can become a concrete thing, and having a time table, marking what needs to be done by when.

"Your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset

you have. Without having a goal, it's difficult to score."

Paul Arden

How can you change from reacting to creating? First, want to! Second, set that as a goal for yourself. Third, determine the date by which the change will have taken place. Fourth, map out activities that take you from your current mind set to the one you are erecting in its place. Fifth, stretch your talents and skills to cross the chasm that presents itself as the impossible task at hand. Sixth, leap. Leap and the net will appear.

Lastly, share your goal and your plan with someone who wants you to succeed and has good ideas he or she is willing to bring to your table. To paraphrase the Bard, nothing is impossible but that thinking makes it so.

Create the life you wish to live by the actions you take every day.

"When you follow your bliss...doors will open where you would not have

thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for

anyone else." Joseph Campbell

My goal is to achieve my human potential. Every day will have a structure to it: study - exercise - work with clients - do the 'grunt' work that is required to run a business - continue to explore my emotional/mental memes to see if they serve me - meditate - get coaching help if I need it. Structure my day so that I can be spontaneous in my life!

"The soul speaks in image." Carl Jung