ANGELS

It's Christmas Day.

Every year, at this time, The Dallas Morning News reruns a column written by the late Paul Crume entitled "Angels among us". It is heartwarming, bittersweet, hopeful...touches a cord within the reader at his or her emotional level that instant.

Every year, I reread this column and I am touched in my most vulnerable place at that time in my life. This day is no exception.

There is a quote in the article from Francis Thompson, a late-19th-century English poet who lived a life we might describe as one of quiet desperation on his way toward posthumous immortality. I don't remember this quote from all the other times I have read the article. But that is part of the beauty of life...there is always something fresh to be gleaned from even the act of going back over something you have experienced before. The reason? You see it from the perspective of your growth since the last time. That is why myth is so powerful, why we can read and read again novels that made an impact the first time, why the archetypes are so important, why you can study "the mysteries" your entire lifetime and always have new insights and receive new information that is transformative. You also see it from the need you have at this point in time. It is often that need that transforms the lesson for us the second or third time around. The Universe is always sending us what we are seeking, whether we know it or accept the truth of that or not!

The quote: "The angels keep their ancient places. Turn but a stone, and start a wing."

How I love that! The imagery...turn but a stone, and start a wing.

This started a wondering. I can make a list of the people in my life who have been angels to me, who still are angels in my life. What about those angels I never recognized as such?

I have to stop right here to interject something that just happened as I

am writing this. A text comes on my phone from someone I have only

met, in a store, twice in my life...a beautiful soul inside and out. She wishes

me a Merry Christmas and the thought of her energy makes me so

happy, so grateful for having the experience of her that I know I have

been touched by an angel...just now!

Where was I?! Oh, yes!

What about the angels in my life that were just fleeting glimpses, not unlike the shadow of a bird's wings as it flies overhead? What about the angel that lives inside me, whose voice speaks to me, at times in whispers, other times more insistently? What about the divine plan that is a promise to each of us, even if we don't heed its call? Is that not a form of angel? What about the hope that I have been or may yet be an angel to someone who needs one?

The article closes with these lines: "There is an angel close to you this day. Merry Christmas, and I wish you well."

May you feel the beat of the wings.

"NO." IT'S NOT THE SAME AS 'BAH, HUMBUG!'

Hard to believe I would write a blog about saying "no" during this holiday season, huh.

In the light of gift-giving during the holidays, a client brought by delicious gluten-free, home baked brownies and butterscotch fudge squares. Sweetly wrapped for the season, each goody bag contained a card with an affirmation printed on the back. "Pick your affirmation," this friend urged, adding that it would be exactly the one I needed since the Universe would guide my hand in choosing it. She waited, with a beautiful smile on her face, for me to open and read mine.

"Unless you are capable of saying no, your yes is meaningless."

Frankly, I was disappointed, probably wanting to be told that I had mastered the art of unconditional love and that waiting for me in the parking lot was my tall, dark, ruggedly handsome soul mate. She, on the other hand, clapped her hands in glee, convinced that the affirmation was perfect for me.

"Isn't that just perfect for Claudia?", she asked my business partner.

The next morning, The Dallas Morning News featured an article in the business section titled "The Art of Rejection - Saying 'no' can raise the quality of your work and life alike".

Hmmmm. The Universe at work?

I was forced to examine this 'truth' anew. In the very first days of my work with my HLC coach, I had heard this phrase, as he tried to instill in me the idea of core values...knowing what was not just important to have in place in my life, but what was crucial to creating the life I wanted to live. Later on, when I started to study the Foundational Principles of Health, Paul Chef used that same phrase to drive home a similar point during a PPS Workshop. I thought I had been there, done that. So why was this being presented to me again?

I have never wanted to purposely hurt someone's feelings, so I have said yes to many things I truly did not want to do. Often, the experience proved to be more palatable that I would have first imagined. More honestly, I have said yes to things so that others wouldn't be angry with me, would "like" me. Again, I wasn't agreeing to eat fried worms, so there was no real downside to my participation. But there were many things I said yes to that were a real beat-down and I entered into them with a truly terrible attitude. Why do that to myself or others? What a waste.

I wasn't being authentic...wasn't being true to myself.

In fact, I was sacrificing myself.

I was putting the needs of everyone, every organization, before my needs

I was placing value on everything else, but me!

In the past four years, as I continue to work on my personal, professional and spiritual growth with my coach and other mentors in my life, I have gotten better at saying "no". I understand my needs and feel comfortable working for their fulfillment. I realize that we all have the same amount of time in the day; time is, however, a precious commodity and I don't want to waste it. (Of course, I don't count 'piddling' as a waste of time!) There are things my friends ask me to do that I have no interest in doing. I say so, hopefully, in the nicest way possible. I still don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I also understand when others don't want to do something I might suggest and allow them to make that choice for themselves. More importantly, I give myself permission to value what I value, no apologies or explanations required.

The bottom line is that as I value myself more, I allow myself to say no. It isn't selfishness, or a grinch-like attitude. It is taking care of myself, taking responsibility for myself...my health, my emotional well-being, my growth as a human. It is honoring my core values, spending time on things that I say are important to me.

I liked the quote in the DMN article on "The Art of Rejection":

"It's easier to say no with conviction when you have a real reason for

saying it. Know what you want to accomplish at work and the relation-

ships you want to have outside of work...When you can identify and embrace

your priorities and focus on what you want more of - you feel more justified

saying no in order to pursue those goals."

Thank you, Steph, not only for the treats, but for allowing me to focus again on my core values, especially during this hectic time of the year. Saying "No" can be a loving and beautiful affirmation of one's resolve to live authentically, fully, and in tune with those things that truly matter the most in one's life.

Merry...Happy...with love!

GRATITUDE

...car seat warmers, WD 40 and spandex: perhaps the three greatest inventions, for which I am grateful!

FRIENDS Since 2006, I have met people from all over the world. We have come together in various seminars and classes. Most I may never see again. No matter. Each one shared a moment in time in a seminal point of my life. For their participation, their input, their presence, their place on the path of this journey, I am grateful.

There is a group of friends - I call them my 'old friends' - who were a part of my life while I was married. Often, after a divorce, relationships fall by the wayside. It is not a lack of caring. I'm not sure what to call it, but often the time spent together becomes less and less. In part, I have been reluctant to extend an invitation to them to be with me...foolish on my part, for friendship should be a two-way street. These friends won't give up on me! They are dear souls who continue to seek me out, include me, love me. I am grateful!

Then there are my high school friends, with whom I have reconnected in the past two years. Thank you, Vicki, for that call out of the blue...angels are everywhere! After so many years of distance, I was amazed at how comfortable and comforting it was to be with these characters. I am grateful for this presence in my life.

PARENTS I'm not sure I could say my parents are the ones I think I deserved, but they gave me life.

My mom and my biological father gave me genetics that seem to be able to withstand the ravages of time and a certain amount of abuse. I feel so lucky to be healthy, strong, able to workout as I do, walk and hike, with no end in sight.

My step-father gave me a comfortable home, my first look at the night sky, love, a lesson in how to watch a baseball game and track the box scores, a college education. If only his attempts to teach me geology had been as successful as all the other lessons.

I always joked that my "real" parents, the King and Queen, were looking for me to bring me back to the castle. What I have learned is that my parents were the ones I needed in order to learn the lessons this life is designed to teach me. They may not be the parents I think I deserve: they are the parents I chose and for that I am grateful.

RESILIENCE I have called myself a chameleon in the sense that, living the nomadic life of my childhood, I was always being plopped down into an environment and having to adjust on the fly...having to size things up quickly in order to determine what I needed to do in order to fit in where I found myself.

I even drew an "I Am" mandala in a C.H.E.K. PPS workshop that symbolized my life as that chameleon. At the time, I am not sure I viewed that characteristic as a positive.

What I have come to realize is that I have the ability to continually rebound or spring back from anything. I don't get down for long. I always seem to have hope. I have been told that I have continually reinvented myself. This is a good thing! Constantly putting one foot in front of the other, striving to be the best I am capable of being (even if I am not always sure what that is!), growing with each life experience. This resiliency is something for which I am very grateful!

HUMOR I crack myself up!

Honestly, I have such an irreverent sense of humor, a delight in the absurd, an exuberant appreciation of the delicious ironies of life that I will always be able to have a happy heart. This has only grown with age. The gratitude I have for this aspect of my personality is immeasurable.

TEACHERS I have had the extreme good fortune to study with, learn from, some eccentric geniuses.

There are also many unlikely looking angels and archangels in my life that have been an updraft: have supported me, taught me, cared for me, loved me, been patient with me, challenged me, frustrated me, believed in me. These men and women are carried so deep in my heart...words of thanks pale in comparison to your value to me.

FAMILY By this, I mean the one I created.

My former husband gave me security and stability. He fathered our wonderful daughter. He exposed me to fabulous experiences all over the world. When I chose to leave, he let me go with as much grace as was possible. He is a friend.

Having a child has made me a better person. There is a love like no other for a baby turned wise woman that you have carried inside you and given birth to. Thank you, dear girl, for the gift you have given me, for the relationship we continue to grow.

I am grateful to you both and for you.

I am grateful for the work I do in the place my partner and I have created. I am grateful for the morning when I get to sleep in and dawdle over the crossword puzzle and a second cup of organic coffee. I am grateful for peace and quiet in my life. I am grateful for my willingness to experience life...a dear friend told me once that pain is a given, but suffering is a choice. I am grateful that I still want to love, no matter the risk. I am grateful for the blue of an autumn sky in Texas. I am grateful for the things posted by my Facebook friends! I am grateful for the color purple...doesn't it go with everything?

So, on this Thanksgivng Day, I thank the Universe.

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart

Veteran's Day - My Dad

My dad enlisted in the Army Air Corps (there was no Air Force back then) right out of high school.

After training - he tells a wonderful story about his first solo touch-and-go flight that makes me smile to this day - he was sent to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. This was toward the end of World War 2.

He used to show me photos of his time there...the jungle, a little dog he adopted, his buddies in his unit, his plane, his plane shot down. The most remarkable thing about these pictures, for me, is how young these boys were...how young my dad was and how thin; they all had the bodies of my friends in high school, all shoulders, no waist or hips, ribs poking through...kids.

Daddy has a wonderful sense of humor, quite the joker, though more mellow now. He seemed so strong to me, healthy, fit. He said once, when looking at his island pictures, that the only thing that could make him sick at his stomach happened there. He would never tell me what that was. I imagined it must have been pretty horrific.

After the war, my dad, who was an orphan, was able to go to college, courtesy of the United States Government. He graduated from Colorado School of Mines in Golden, Colorado and still consults as a petroleum engineer today. He is also an inventor with several patents! He is 85.

I know that some wars are necessary for the greater good...many wars are political or economic...I am not an advocate of military solutions being the only solutions. But I want to acknowledge and thank the men and women who served and serve...their reasons are many, and while interesting, not germane here.

They go to hell and back because their country tells them to do so...thank you, Dad.

The Devil Made Me Do It...

...many of you are too young to remember that line from a weekly skit on the Flip Wilson show. Many of you are probably too young to even know who Flip Wilson was! A funny guy, Flip had a sketch on his TV variety show in which he would dress up as a woman, in red, do something totally outrageous and inappropriate and then, when called to task for 'her' behavior, use as the excuse, "The devil made me do it!"

Funny stuff, back then.

Last week, I was working through something with one of my mentors when she pulled out her Tarot deck. (I can see some of your eyes rolling around in their sockets!) She thumbed through the deck until she came to the card she was seeking and pulled it out so we could talk about it in the context of my 'something'.

The study of the Tarot cards is woven into astrology, the study of the symbolism of Hebrew words and numbers and The Tree of Life. The Tarot has long been thought to be one of the finest explanatory records of the supreme mysteries and students of the Tarot who glean an understanding of its principles learn to apply this tradition and way of thinking to problem solving in modern life. The Tarot has been defined as "a key to the wisdom of the Ages".

My kindergarten understanding of this ancient knowledge could not begin to do it justice so I won't regurgitate too much of a bookish explanation of The Devil Tarot card. I do want to present the lesson, if you will, in the way it was presented to me by my mentor.

If you have never seen The Devil, card 15 in the Tarot deck, google it so you have a visual as a point of reference.

We are all stuck on some problem in our human development.

While the problem may be a universal one, we express our work with, through it, in our own unique and individual way. It is the same as the way in which we each express our genetics...as individual as our fingerprints. Even twins do not express their genetics in exactly the same manner.

For example, the 'problem' may be that we did not feel loved by our mother. That sense of being unloved and unloveable ("If my own mother didn't love me, how can anyone love me?) manifests itself as the inability to love oneself. But this may present itself as an eating disorder, drug abuse, bodily injury, insatiable sexual appetite, emotional disconnect, ending relationships before the other person can end them first, or sabotaging success. Because we have never learned how to love ourselves unconditionally, we are stuck just like a hamster in a cage on the wheel...going round and round, repeating the same hurtful behavior patterns, asking why we continue to do the thing that brings us so much pain.

This is where The Devil card comes in.

If you look at the card, a huge half man-half beast Devil is sitting on a pedestal, larger than life, with two dwarfed humans, a woman and a man, on either side. These figures are chained. Though they are chained, the loops of the chains are only loosely draped around their necks.

In fact the loops of the chains are so large that, at any time, they might life them off their heads.

Their bondage is imaginary.

"This Tarot card represents the first stage of spiritual unfoldment. It is the stage of conscious bondage. The Devil personifies the false conception that man is bound by material conditions, the false notion that he is a slave to necessity, a sport of chance.

In truth, the forces which appear to be our adversaries are always ready to serve us. The one condition is that we understand our essential freedom and take account of the hidden side of existence.....The Devil is sensation, divorced by ignorance from understanding. Yet he is also what brings renewal, because we can make no real effort to be free until we feel our limitations. Until they irk us, we can make no effort to strike off our chains." (The Tarot, by Paul Foster Case)

The lesson my mentor wanted me to learn is that at any time I can choose to be free from the disempowering thoughts which enslave me. At any time, I can say enough. At any time, I can decide to live differently. At any time, I can change my perception of my life.

...so I take these chains from round my neck and dance in the moonlight.

What's the Rush?

I'm a Libra.

This is the seventh sign of the Zodiac, the sign of the cross and the sword, related to the symbolism of the number seven, and the sign for equilibrium, on both the cosmic and the psychic planes, and concerning both social and inward legality and justice.

It is said that the balance of the scales designates the equilibrium between the solar world and the planetary manifestation, between the spiritual ego of Man and the external ego, or the personality.

Learn to be who you are, not what you are.

It likewise indicates the equilibrium between good and evil; for, like Man, the scales has two tendencies, symbolized by the two symmetrically disposed pans, one tending towards the Scorpion (denoting the world of desires) and the other towards the sign of Virgo (sublimation).

Learn to balance out your inner tendencies.

The seventh sign pertains to human relations and to the union of the spirit within itself...to spiritual and mental health. It is a symbol of inner harmony and of the intercommunication between the left side (the unconscious, or matter) and the right (the consciousness, or spirit).

As a Libra, one has the ability to see both sides of something so clearly that a strong case could be made for either one. What appears to others to be indecisiveness or inertia is actually the desire to make the best possible decision when presented with two very viable choices.

I sometimes lament this trait in myself: weighing the options, taking so long to make a choice, wanting the thing chosen to be the best, not just for myself, but for all involved. It is frustrating for others. No less so for myself!

A friend recently sent me a wonderful poem by Rumi, which came at the perfect time...once again, an affirmation that The Universe wants us to thrive, be well, be happy, be whole. I share it with you, in the loving spirit in which it was given to me.

"... Deliberation is one of the qualities of God

Throw a dog a bit of something

He sniffs to see if he wants it.

Be that careful.

Sniff with your wisdom-nose.

Get clear. Then decide.

The universe came into being gradually

over six days. God could have

just commanded,

Be!

Little by little a person reaches forty and fifty

and sixty, and feels more complete.

God could have thrown

full-blown prophets flying through

the cosmos in an instant.

Jesus said one word

and a dead man sat up,

but creation usually unfolds,

like calm breakers.

Constant slow movement teaches us

to keep working

like a small creek that stays clear,

that doesn't stagnate but finds a way

through numerous details, deliberately.

Deliberation is born of joy,

like a bird from an egg.

Birds don't resemble eggs!

Think how different the hatching out is.

A white leathery snake egg, a sparrow's egg,

a quince seed, an apple seed: very different things

look similar at one stage.

These leaves, our bodily personalities seem identical

but the globe of soul fruit

we make,

each is elaborately

unique."

Know that it takes as long as it takes and that you are always

going to be given the opportunity to 'get it right'.

http://oshotimes.wordpress.com/2010/09/27/ever-so-lonely/

http://oshotimes.wordpress.com/2010/09/27/ever-so-lonely/

This is a concept I have written about several times...

...loving simply for the sake of the joy it brings to the lover, not with an expectation of anything in return.

It is easy to feel when you are with the one you love. It is more difficult to maintain when the relationship has ended.

I strive to live in this way. I continue to strive to live in this way even as it remains a mystery as to how to accomplish. I strive to love my aloneness so that I may love without expectation.

Western training and tradition do not prepare us for this way of relating. So we will have to be our own teachers.

IS EVERYONE STUCK?

First, let me say that, as a rule, I write what I need to hear or what I am telling myself at this precise moment. I am on the journey, too, and sometimes the path is narrow and overgrown so I need to send out an SOS to myself, to the truth I know resides in me, the truth that we all possess in our core.

Second, is anyone truly free or are we stuck?

We all have a story, as Byron Katie calls our life. Most of us seem extremely invested in it...we retell our story, we relive our story, we recreate our story, bringing old memes into our current existence...we wallow in our story.

My job is to get over my story. It is an albatross I carry around with me and - truth be told - I really had a pretty easy life. So why do I need to be so consumed with my past hurts? Why do I sometimes want to create a new hurt that takes me back into the old pain? Why is it that some people never even examine the causes for their misery and constricted lives? Why is it that some understand where the pain originates, but they hang on to it anyway? Why is it that some can have moments of freedom, but can't figure out how to live that way all the time? Why is it that some are always looking forward, creating life as they want to live it, steering their ship, never once looking out at the wake of the boat, which (as Wayne Dyer says) is not what propels the ship, but is a sign of expended energy.

Hanging on to the sadness in our lives is like watching the wake of a ship: it is putting all our emotional energy into where we have been and not into where we want to go.

If we truly believe that we were on this earth to be happy, fulfilled, loved, productive, creative and to love would we hang on to the carnage of our past? If we believe that Divine Intelligence cradles us and will lead us to this purpose, would we need to be sad? If we know that every good thing is already ours to revel in, would we choose to stay stuck? If we know that unhappiness is a fictitious emotion masking itself as our reality, would we invest in it?

You know when you go to a crazy movie, with an implausible plot, but you just decide to surrender to the experience and buy into it totally? How about this? What if we choose to do this with our life...what if we cho0se to buy into the fact that the Universe wants nothing more than for us to be euphorically blissful, loved beyond measure, prosperous and productive? What if we decide to believe that our life IS a movie, that we are the star of the show, the writer and the director?

What if we just let go of the junk we are holding on to and opened our consciousness to what we can now savor because we make room for wonderful experiences to rush in? This can be our reality...this can be my reality. The only thing that stands in the way of it is me...stubbornly hanging on to the past, picking stuck over free. The choice is mine...the choice is yours...stuck or free.

WHAT DO YOU VALUE?

I have been asking myself this question lately: "Have I truly learned anything?"

The reason for the query deals with the only two men I have given myself to emotionally. One was my husband of forty years, whom I divorced three years ago. I believed him to be the love of my life, but, for years, didn't feel he loved me as much as I loved him. We had a different language of love.

My family, not being a family of means, hugged...a lot! Not too much kissing, but

hugging, holding, touching. My former husband's family was not big on the touchy-

feely thing...they were gift givers. I can hear some of you saying, "And your problem

was what, exactly?"

My former husband could not tell me he loved me. Could not say those three words. It was so impossible for him that - on our 30th wedding anniversary - he gave me three beautiful diamonds (gift givers, remember?) and a note that said with those three stones, he would never have to say those three words I longed to hear. And, by God, he didn't.

It seemed funny at the time.

As it turned out, he did love me...probably much more than I loved him. The way he demonstrated that didn't feel like love to me...I thought the package of love would be wrapped up so differently - and I was 21 when we got married - so I didn't recognize it for what it was. He must have felt so unappreciated or misunderstood; it was so obvious to him that what he was giving me was how he was telling me of his love. Even in the most intimate of moments, I would tell him I loved him...nothing. I resented this, quite frankly. It took all the joy out of speaking the feelings I had for him and eventually those feelings were gone as well.

The second man I have loved is younger and I became involved with him two years ago. We were friends initially, but became physical partners. The sex was the kind I had dreamed of all my life and that probably intensified my feelings for him. Our bodies fit so perfectly together.

Even though I knew there was no future together, I was so saddened by the thought of never having that kind of physical relationship with another man that I would become sad even though we were seeing each other all the time.

I told him I loved him, have several times. He told me he loved me, but not the

marrying kind of love. I accept that because I know there are many different types of

love, I can't image getting married again and my desire to be with him was enormous.

Never doubt the power of good sex! But even though I wanted to tell him I loved him,

and he liked hearing it, it felt much like my marriage: me saying the words, getting

nothing back.

This second relationship has ended. I can not tell you the depth of my sadness, my sense of loss

and my heartache. So why am I writing about this?

In both cases, I have loved men who were emotionally unavailable to me...a husband who loved me,

but couldn't speak the words and a sexual partner who loved me, but not enough to say the words.

The similarities are so obvious to me. I pick men with whom I can't have what I say I want.

An unrelated conversation the day after things ended, centered around someone placing

"value" on the very dysfunctional memes that create so much unhappiness and chaos in that person's

life. It was as though I had been struck in the face.

The question I should be asking is not "Have I truly learned anything?" but rather "Do I value not feeling loved?"

If I place value in not being loved and the misery it can cause me - for whatever reason...the reasons are not a part of this discussion -

then I will continually try to create relationships that replicate this thing I have placed in such high regard.

While this is profoundly unsettling to me, perhaps the fact that the question has been rephrased, shines a

a brighter light on the heart of the matter and will allow me to break the cycle.

Reacting or Creating?

The same eight letters...A, C, E, G, I, N, R and T...but what a difference the arrangement can make!

My whole life has been one of reacting. I've even described myself as a leaf in a mountain stream: taken where the flow goes, no direction of my own, stuck behind a boulder until the current is strong enough to free me and send me on downstream. Of course, I can tell you why I think this is my modus operandi, but ultimately everyone has a story and what difference does it make. I would just be telling you my excuse. This is not to say that I thought of myself as a victim, for I did/do not. It is more a case in inertia than a case of being thwarted. The only thwarting going on is internal!

"We are the only species on Earth capable of preventing

our own flowering." David Whyte

The inertia is the result of not having a strong sense of my purpose, having no goals, having no plan of action with stops along the way, a roadmap created to get me from short term to mid-range to long term milestones. Procrastination can be a very real component to reacting...if you are always waiting, you are always delaying, putting off action. In one of Paul Chek's lectures, which you can find at www.chekinstitute.com, he talks about procrastination as being the handmaiden of a life without goals. Paul says that, without a purpose and a plan to achieve the goals that enable that purpose to be fulfilled, it is easy to procrastinate. You truly have no place to go so nothing is of the utmost importance and distractions can easily determine what your day looks like. We all have the same amount of time at our disposal...the difference is in how we structure and use that time.

"Know what turns you on so you can have lots of it in your life."

Sas Colby

Reacting is passive. Creating is active.

Creating is knowing what you want to accomplish and having a framework within which to work to achieve fruition. That is not to say that people who react don't have creative thoughts...that's what daydreaming is all about. And daydreaming is not wasted time; it is often the seminal seed of all accomplishments. But having a good thought and manifesting that into a good thing are not the same.

Creating is taking the daydream, seeing in your mind's eye how it would look in real life, listing all the steps that must be made in so that a concept can become a concrete thing, and having a time table, marking what needs to be done by when.

"Your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset

you have. Without having a goal, it's difficult to score."

Paul Arden

How can you change from reacting to creating? First, want to! Second, set that as a goal for yourself. Third, determine the date by which the change will have taken place. Fourth, map out activities that take you from your current mind set to the one you are erecting in its place. Fifth, stretch your talents and skills to cross the chasm that presents itself as the impossible task at hand. Sixth, leap. Leap and the net will appear.

Lastly, share your goal and your plan with someone who wants you to succeed and has good ideas he or she is willing to bring to your table. To paraphrase the Bard, nothing is impossible but that thinking makes it so.

Create the life you wish to live by the actions you take every day.

"When you follow your bliss...doors will open where you would not have

thought there would be doors, and where there wouldn't be a door for

anyone else." Joseph Campbell

My goal is to achieve my human potential. Every day will have a structure to it: study - exercise - work with clients - do the 'grunt' work that is required to run a business - continue to explore my emotional/mental memes to see if they serve me - meditate - get coaching help if I need it. Structure my day so that I can be spontaneous in my life!

"The soul speaks in image." Carl Jung

CAN I GET A WITNESS...

...or, more precisely, can I become a witness?

Witness: (noun) -a close observer...(verb) -perceive

I'm not talking about seeing an accident or testifying in court. When I speak of becoming a witness, I am referring to a sober contemplation of an event or act or thought without judgement. I believe it is important to be able to do this not only for others, but especially for ourselves.

As we learn to become a witness for others and to our own lives, we learn to see, but not to judge...not to judge ourselves.

Our acts are no longer viewed as 'should have, could have, would have', but as did or is...no value is placed on the act. It is simply a fact. There is a quiet that comes from this simple shift. We do not invest things with hurt, anger, resentment, sadness, envy or hatred because we have stopped critiquing things. This does not mean that we are removed from life or distant emotionally. I think it allows us to invest in things more fully, without the filters that are placed over our senses by the subjectivism of individual bias.

I think that is what Bryon Katie means when she talks about "loving what is".

When we can love what is, we are not mired in the past, not shackled by judgements of ourselves by ourselves or by others. We are free to observe and plow ahead. We don't have to sugar-coat, rationalize, fantasize anything because we accept everything.

And simply do our best at whatever level that is at that moment in time.

As I witness my life in this way, I become accountable for it.

A STATE OF BECOMING

My favorite boutique flower shop sells Chrysalis every year...

...little pots of nature's jewelry and her promise. Each cocoon holds a butterfly in the stage between larva and adult. Housed safely in a celadon green case sealed with several gold "dots", the insect waits, biding it's time, until it is ready to emerge and become what it is destined to be.

When the chrysalis begins to turn black, you know that the process of '"becoming" is nearing its end. Once totally black, the butterfly sheds the cocoon and rests for up to six hours, drying its wings. Until the wings are completely dry, the butterfly can't fly. Patience is required, for to try to fly too soon would mean disaster and death.

In order for the insect to become the butterfly, this glorious home must be utterly destroyed. As with so much in life, in order to transcend to a higher level, there must be a destruction of what came before. From the ashes, emerges the Phoenix. This transformation, whether in the insect world or our own, is often violent, gut-wrenching. But the cocoon no longer serves the butterfly as it once did the insect. There is wisdom in knowing when to move on...to spread one's wings...to fly.

Trust in the process.

COULD IT REALLY BE THIS SIMPLE?

Every Sunday, the Dallas Morning News runs a short piece called "Good Kid". The blurb spotlights a high school junior or senior - sometimes a college freshman - who is just what the title would imply: a kid doing well in school, active in the community at large, and an all-around shining light.

Some of the questions asked are about hobbies, favorite school subject, two people they want to meet, best book read, best advice received, what they would do with $100 and "my goal for this year is to...".

On July 4, 2010 a recent graduate of The Greenhill School in Dallas wrote that her goal for the year is to..."continue to be happy."

Wow!

When I first read that, I thought it sounded sophomoric - every one wants to be happy, right -but, as I let the simplicity of her words sink in, I realized she had distilled the essence of life into five words..."to continue to be happy."

"Children smile 400 times a day on average...adults 15 times.

Children laugh 150 times a day...adults 6 times per day.

Children play between 4-6 hours a day...adults only 20 minutes

a day.

What's happened?"

Robert Holden (from 'Living Wonderfully')

What has happened?

As we grow up and grow older, does life beat us down so much that we lose the capacity for happiness? Or do we not truly understand what our purpose is in this life?

Objectivism is the philosophy created by the Russian-American philosopher and novelist Ayn Rand (1905-1982). Rand originally expressed her philosophical ideas in her novels 'The Fountainhead' and 'Atlas Shrugged'. The name "Objectivism" derives from the principle that human knowledge and values are objective: they are not created by the thoughts one has, but are determined by the nature of reality, to be discovered by man's mind. Ayn Rand characterized Objectivism as "a philosophy for living on earth", grounded in reality, and aimed at defining man's nature and the nature of the world in which he lives. She wrote, "My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life."

What if the 'hero's journey' of each life is to be happy? If it really is that simple, a lot of us are wasting time and energy on stuff that does not matter one bit.

"We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount

of work is the same."

Carlos Castaneda (1925-1998)

American writer and Nagual (Shaman)

"People are usually as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Abraham Lincolm

"If you cannot find happiness along the road, you will not find it

at the end of the road."

Writer Unknown

'Siddhartha" is an allegorical novel by Hermann Hesse that deals with the spiritual journey of a wealthy Indian boy during the time of the Buddha. What strikes me about his journey is that by being so focused on what he was determined to find at the end, Siddhartha missed all the serendipitous beauty en route. I sometimes feel that is what contemporary man does in his life...we are so focused on attaining whatever we have placed on high that our tunnel-vision limits our joy in the everyday. The best things in life aren't things, but it would seem that we are driven to attain more and more with less happiness being the result of a frantic need to fill the void.

I write and ponder about 'happiness' quite often...I see so little of it on the faces and in the lives of people all around me. I want more of it in my own life...if happiness truly is a choice we make, why would I choose to be unhappy? Maybe I don't think I deserve to be happy.

"You cannot be thankful and unhappy at the same time."

Writer Unknown

The mind, a wonderful thing, cannot hold two different thoughts at the same time...so we must train our mind to go to a powerfully happy thought when it wants to take us in a different direction. We are the master of our thoughts; we should not let our thoughts become the master of us. But, oh how difficult that is for so many. Creating any habit, positive or negative, requires repetition. In order for a motor engram (a series of processes or commands associated with any given cognitive goal or task) to be created, there must be repetitive stimuli. It takes 300 to 350 reps to build one in the body. It may take three times that many reps to change. Contrasted with a motor engram, the Psychoneurological engram (as described by L. Ron Hubbard) is a mental image or picture of an experience, usually unhappy. stored in the subconscious mind. In order to create positive, loving, happy engrams we have to deal with and change the negative, unloving, sad ones we carry inside us.

"By remaining stuck in the power of our wounds, we block our

own transformation."

Caroline Myss

"Who would we be without our story?"

Byron Katie

Everyone has a story and everyone has been hurt. Get over it.

How do we do that?

I have gratitude as an attitude...maybe not 100% of the time, but pretty darn close. No matter how awful I may think a thing is in my life, I can name 5 to 10 things that are blessings. By the way, blessings is not a word that falls easily from my lips. I struggle with that concept: perhaps 'gifts' would be a better choice. Whatever word you choose, there are things in your life that bring you joy, make you laugh, create beauty, are filled with love, mean kindness to you. These things are often not the big, splashy things, but the small wonders...

...puppy breath, a sticky kiss from a child, the coolness of an evening breeze, a call from a friend when you are feeling blue, the warm rays of the sun as you lie on a chaise, the beauty of a freshly planted flower garden, getting into a bed with fresh linens, rack of lamb roasted just right, the crunch of cool jicama, a gluten-free macaroon, your child telling you she loves you. saying something that gives a person hope.

I don't expect life to be perfect. I expect to be given ample opportunity to learn lessons I am supposed to learn while I'm here. How fast or slow I learn is up to me. The Universe will never give up on me...it continues to present me with the chance to grow and continue along my path. I try not to beat myself up when I realize that I haven't quite gotten a lesson down pat. That is what 'practice' is all about. I do the best I can. Some days, my best is better than other days!

I have never given up on myself. The human spirit it a miraculous thing. So is resilience and I have that, too. I have taken some circuitous routes, but I have never given up on myself.

I have decided that my legacy is to just be happy. If I was supposed to be a Mother Teresa, I would probably be that by now! Legacy and purpose don't have to be such big concepts that you think they are too big to have in your own life. Purpose is what gives meaning to you in your life. Legacy is a gift you leave for others. The best thing I could do at this point in my life is to show my daughter that creating happiness for myself, from out of myself and not as a result of something someone else does or doesn't do, is huge and can have a ripple effect on everyone I come in contact with each day.

What have I got to lose?

"To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy...is to set our

own conditions to the events of each day. To do this is to condition

circumstances instead of being conditioned by them."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

So thank you, Mary Horn, a "good kid" with the right idea!

RUSSIAN BANYA - A Day in a Traditional Russian Sauna

"The banya is like the Russian's second mother", wrote Pushkin in 1832. Though it may sound like hyperbole, the banya has been a staple of Russian culture and health since medieval times. Every village had at least one banya serving not only as a center for cleanliness and bathing, but for magic and folklore. There was even a mischievous little sprite associated with the banya call a mystical "Bannik", the guardian of steam and heat, the caretaker of the sauna and its participants. In order to appease the sprite, the bather had to enter clean and leave the same way. So developed the etiquette for bathers.

Dallas has an authentic Russian banya. The facility also has a Finnish sauna (dry heat), a steam room (Hammam) and a cold plunge pool (ice and dunk tank). There is a restaurant, men's and women's locker rooms and a small store, which sells the traditional birch bundles (more about this later) and Russian felt sauna hats in two styles, one for the guys and one for the gals. These hats are worn in the banya, protecting the top of the head and the ears from the intense heat.

One Sunday, I went with two friends to see what this was all about!

No frills, no deluxe amenities: this is a pretty spartan, bare-bones facility. When we arrived, there were several men and one lady sitting around one of the tables, drinking water and talking. The men, as we later learned, were spending the day...sauna, banya, cold plunge, sit and drink water and talk and then start all over again. We had been told to bring a bathing suit, but were given a robe, towel and flip-flops (we asked if we could wear our own and we could). The robes looked as though they were an after-thought; they had seen better days. The good news is that I did not feel compelled to purchase one to have at home. Towels are much the same: white, beige, worn. No linen envy on my part!

A bit of a tour and short explanation followed. We had scheduled a Venik Massage and were told a bit, not much, about that. If you wanted a traditional massage (I'm not sure what a traditional Russian massage would be), that had to be arranged with an off-site person who would come to the banya for that purpose.

So into the locker room, into our bathing suits, and into the Finnish sauna we went. Hot, but comfortably so, I could have stayed and stayed. The three of us talked for some time, broke a good sweat and then the door opened and the gentleman scheduled to give us our Venik Massages came into the sauna to give a bit more detail about that treatment. He suggested we go into the banya to feel the heat and said that he would do one massage at a time, but that the other two were free to stay and watch, if desired.

Robes back on, we walked across the narrow hall and went into the banya. The woman and most of the men were there and it was hot! My concern was how long the massage would last and if I could last for the duration in this intense heat. Our masseur was a man of medium height, quite tan and with a large belly. He was wrapped in a long blue and white striped towel and spoke with a "Boris and Natasha" (from Bullwinkle) accent. In fact, we nicknamed his Boris. Strong, like bull, Boris!

We stayed in the banya for a few minutes and then went back into the Finnish sauna to visit and enjoy the milder heat. As suggested, we went to our table in the main room and drank water. Boris came and said he was ready for the first massage. He had told us that our bathing suits, being synthetic, were not appropriate for the cleansing of the Venik Massage and that it would be better if we wore nothing. When in Rome...actually, in what spa do you wear clothes? None.

First victim! Andrea came back out several minutes later (maybe fifteen), red as a beet and was instructed to immediately immerse herself in the cold plunge. Boris, sensing her reluctance, exhorted her until, screaming, she did so. She came to the table and drank water, as instructed. Lots of color to her skin, some mottling, but whether due to the cold plunge or the Venik Massage, it was hard to tell.

Lyn was next. Same routine. Red as borscht, wahoo-ing as she went into the cold plunge and then back to the table for water and note comparing with Andrea. Boris, who wears the felt hat with ear flaps and heavy gloves, said that he needed to take a breather and wanted to wait a bit before he went back in to do my massage. Also, the men had gone back into the banya and he wanted them to complete their stay before he and I went in.

Maybe twenty or thirty minutes passed before it was my turn. So in we went. Towels are placed on the wood bench of the second of three levels in the banya. It is entirely too hot to be on the wood without some protection. Boris asked me to lie on my stomach first, but let me explain what the Venik Massage is all about.

Venik Massage is a traditional Slavic experience, also called "platza massage" or a "shvitz massage". A venik is a bundle of birch, oak or eucalyptus branches bound together. The bundle is repeatedly soaked in cold water to soften the leaves without making them drop from the branches. Then the venik is soaked in very hot water to release the oils in the leaves and branches. In the banya, the venik is placed in a container of hot water. Once you are on your stomach, the masseur takes the bundle out of the water and shakes it over your body so that the oils drop on your skin. The bundle is massaged over your body, pressed into your skin, and then you are hit with the bundle in various places (unless you have been very, very good). This is done back and front and then back again. All of this takes place in about fifteen minutes.

Boris then asked if I was ready to leave and, with bits of venik stuck to my skin, I wrapped my towel around me and headed for the plunge. I was expecting the water to be unbearably cold, but it was quite pleasurable. While icy to the touch when we first put a hand in at the beginning of our tour, after being in the banya, the water was delightful, refreshing, rather than shocking.

Back to the table, told to drink lots of water (this I think for their sense of protection since it is not actually a traditional sauna practice), Boris said we might feel sleepy for a bit. The treatment was something I will probably do again, now that I know what it is all about.

Once home, I made a bit of lunch and, overcome with tiredness, went to bed for about two hours. Boris was right.

All that was missing from my Russian experience at the banya was a gypsy with a brown bear on a chain.

HONEY, WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AIN'T IN NO REFRIGERATOR!

Food has so many emotional connotations for us.

In the beginning, food was one of the instant gratifications received when we cried at the top of our lungs. It not only nourished our little bodies, but gave us emotional sustenance as well: whether nursed or bottle-fed, we were held, close in our mother's arms, warm, secure, loved.

As we grew, food was a part of family celebrations. What was our birthday without cake and ice cream? Who could have Thanksgiving without dressing, cranberries, and pumpkin pie? Christmas without all the trimmings (and I'm not talking twinkle lights here)? Impossible! We were usually rewarded with food: a 'treat' for being good or for making good grades. I remember getting suckers after visits to the Doctor's office. Food to calm or quiet us; they don't call it 'comfort food' for nothing. Homemade ice cream in the summer...helping Grandmother roll out dough for homemade noodles...waiting for the leftover bits of pie crust to come out of the oven, all covered with sugar and cinnamon, on the days Mom baked. And think about what we do as grown-ups when we want to get together with friends...we go to dinner or have a dinner party. We socialize around eating.

Food is emotionally charged!

For many of us, that means we use food as a tool for problem solving, as a coping mechanism, as a way to deal with tiredness, stress, sadness, anger, loneliness. We do this because our history growing up has taught us that food means love and approval.

Our use of food for other purposes than nutrition and fuel is usually not conscious. We may reach for the chocolate kiss because that is what our daddy would give us every time he came home from a business trip. Maybe our drama coach reward edus with lemon drops after a particularly good rehearsal. The whole team would go for burgers, fries and a shake after winning a game. So when we are down, feeling depressed or unloved, we love ourselves in a way that replicates the feelings we had back then...we are not consciously remembering the specific event, just the way certain foods make us feel.

But afterwards, it usually doesn't feel very good, especially if we are struggling with weight or health issues. We feel guilty...that we have no will-power...that we are failures...afraid for our future wellness. And once the taste of that favorite food is gone, we don't even feel loved.

Intellectually, we know that eating is not a solution to the emotional void we might be trying to fill as we fill (stuff?) our stomachs. What is?

We have to be gutsy enough to be able to sit with our feelings without rushing out to fix anything. John McMullin, a wonderful man and gifted Holistic Coach (www.JourneysofWisdom.com) offered this in a workshop: you do not do a suffering person a favor by trying to take away their pain. It is hubris to believe that we are going to fix them by rushing in and offering a pat on the back, a 'there, there' or a shoulder to cry on. So it should be with our own suffering.

A close acquaintance told me this story. After his daughter committed suicide, he was overcome, more than usual, by a grief and sadness so intense he could hardly breathe. He went to his counselor, as he had many times during his healing process. After describing the depth of his despair, the counselor offered an exercise. "When this feeling of abysmal grief comes to you, stop and take a breath. Say to yourself, 'So this is how it feels to be utterly grief stricken.' Let the feeling have a place. Do not try to banish it. Sit with your sadness." My friend told me he did that many times in the course of his recovery. And it worked for him. On a much less traumatic level, I have practiced this exercise in my own life. It has a remarkable power to calm the most hysterical emotions, to dry tears, to create a stillness - the eye of the storm, if you will. Peace is the result. There is something very powerful and healing about acknowledging an emotion you would just as soon not have to experience.

First rule: don't rush in to fix what is causing you pain. Allow it to have a place (it's going to make one for itself anyway). Say to yourself so this is how it feels to be alone...whatever you are feeling. Allow yourself to feel how alone feels. Trying to cover up the feeling with chocolate or whatever your comfort food might be has never made the feelings go away for good in the past. And you know what? Feeling alone is not going to kill you. Being sad is not the end of you. Feeling that no one loves you is not the end of the world and can you be absolutely certain of the truth of that feeling? Not absolutely.

Second rule: be the kind of person you would want to be with. If energy draws to it like energy, be the brightest star in the firmament. Sure, you may have 10 things that are not great in your life, but there is at least one thing that is beautiful...think of that one beautiful thing. Our minds can only hold one thought at a time: we cannot be both happy and miserable. When your mind takes you to a dark place, have ready the one thought that is the opposite of what took you there and think it, out loud if you have to. I have said a positive affirmation over and over again through tears until I was able to calm down, see the truth and good in my life. If you become the type of person you would want to spend time with, you are the lucky one because who spends more time with you than you! Then anyone who comes into your life is a welcome addition, not a can't-live-without-you necessity.

Third rule: know that you are enough. It is hard for me to believe that a divine creator or a divine intelligence would send any of us here for a purpose and then send us here flawed, without the tools to accomplish the job. The 'taming' process (how we are socialized by parents and institutions) makes us feel that something is missing in us...don't do that, that's not right, don't embarass me, this is the way you should act. We are so young while all this instruction is taking place that it is easy for us to feel that something is wrong with us. Listen to that still, small voice inside you that whispers you are perfect just the way you are. There is a wonderful quote: "There are cracks in everything. That's how the light gets in." That is also how our light gets out. Revel in knowing you are enough, just as you are.

So don't be afraid of pain and sadness. "Things don't happen to us, they happen for us," says Byron Katie. Use every event as an opportunity for growth. Learn so you might be able to hold out a hand to help someone struggling with something you have already experienced.

Decide what kind of person you wish to be. The choice is yours...to be happy or to be sad. If you truly believe it is a choice, why would you choose to be miserable? Become the person you wish you were...or as the old joke goes, become the person your dog thinks you are! If you have to, fake it 'til you make it.

Love yourself. You weren't sent here lacking. Don't let yourself be defined by what you believe others think of you. Define yourself by what gives you joy and a sense of purpose.

Love, peace, joy, fulfillment? You need only look in the mirror...

...not in the refrigerator.

MOTHER

Our mother loves us before she ever lays eyes on us. Then she spends her whole life showing us what love is...how to love, how to be loved.

She teaches us how the world should be, while preparing us to live in the world as it is.

She maintains a haven for us, should we ever need one, while instilling in us the courage to leave her.

Losing a mother is a difficult thing.

My mother died 15 years ago this August. These words were not written for her, but were part of a letter of condolence to a friend who had just lost her mother. I would not have written this about my own mother, but felt that my friend believed she had a mother for whom this should have been written. These thoughts were most likely what I wanted to believe motherhood was...what I hoped I would be able to do for my daughter as her mother...what I had wished for in a mother.

What a shame there weren't for my mom.

There is an exercise in Paul Chek's PPS Program that asks what lessons one has learned from one's parents. My first response was that my mother had taught me nothing. But, of course, that isn't true.

It's a fact that I never learned to cook or clean house from her; she felt that if she had to ask or make me do chores, it wasn't the type of experience she wanted either of us to have.

The lesson for me was never ask for help...and, if you do ask and help doesn't come right then or if the answer is no, never ask for help from that person again.

What a lost opportunity for me and for the other person, who might have genuinely wanted to help, but couldn't within my constraints of now! This is still a challenge for me, asking for help. But by not doing so, I might be depriving another person of the opportunity to feel they are doing something good and loving for me.

My mother was not very disciplined with her time or her health. She could get lost in music or painting for hours and then forget to eat, throwing her brittle diabetes into a tail spin.

I have been an undisciplined person, procrastinating, choosing immediate gratification over the long term goal most of the time.

But when my mother lost an arm and shoulder to a rare form of cancer, she taught herself to write with her non-dominant hand, to play the piano, to paint again, to balance her body weight without a part of her body...lessons in discipline and fortitude. She had passion for those things she loved, that brought her joy and she fought fiercely to be able to continue them in spite of her physical limitations and constant phantom limb pain.

My mother was outwardly cold, undemonstrative. Her one lesson about sex was when she told me that "rubbers squeak".

To this day, I don't know if she was talking about condoms or rain boots! So I was quite naive about sex, the opposite sex, a healthy sexual appetite, how to have rhythm and flow in my life.

My mother was actually a passionate, sexual woman who had been hurt and felt the only way she could protect herself was to turn a part of herself off. I have tried to protect myself from emotional pain by withdrawing a part of myself from life; it doesn't work. And you miss out on so much along the way. I now know that I would rather cry from having something not work out than from the regret of never having tried.

My mother had a gift for making a home out any place we lived. We moved every year at Christmas from the time I was in first grade until I was in the ninth grade...no we were not gypsies or in the witness protection program! Whether it was a basement apartment in Russell, Kansas or a rent house in Paul's Valley, Oklahoma or our own home in Midland, Texas, within days of moving in, drapes were up, pictures hung, books in the bookshelves...everything in its proper place so that there was continuity and a sense of home, even though she knew we would be leaving in less than a year.

I have created a home that is a haven for me, filled with things and colors that sooth me and bring me joy. But I never felt I had any roots...I was never from any place. I can't tell you what little podunk town I was in for third grade, don't remember the name of my best friend in fourth grade, can't tell you the name of one school I went to until I was in high school. I was adamant that my daughter have the opportunity to be in one school all the way from kindergarten through high school, if that was her desire.

What I never considered was the cost to mother in this nomadic way of life. She also had to leave friends each time we moved. It was her job to set up our new home. She did this every time without complaint and with love for me and my step-dad. I don't know if I could pull that off.

As Mother's Day approaches, I can see my mother through different eyes than even several years ago. The last year of her life, a gift was given me: the opportunity to care for her as she went through radiation for Non-Hotchkins Lymphoma. She and I mended some fences, actually kissed for the first time in our lives - she told me she had never kissed her mother or father - and I allowed her to be human, not holding her to such an unattainable standard of perfection because I didn't feel she loved me and my hurt had turned to anger. I am still grateful for that gift.

So, Happy Mother's Day, mama.

Losing a mother IS a difficult thing

And rubbers don't squeak!

THE KOREAN SPA

The word sauna is an ancient Finnish word which means the traditional Finnish bath as well as the bathhouse itself. The oldest known saunas were pits dug into a slope or hill and used as homes during the winter. The Finns used the sauna as a place to cleanse the mind, rejuvenate and refresh the spirit, prepare the dead for burial, and - because it was usually the cleanest structure and had water available - as a place to give birth. The sauna is still an important part of daily family life in Finland and most homes have a sauna.

Saunas can be found in most cultures: Finland, the Baltic countries, Sweden, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France, the UK, southern Europe, Central America, the US, Africa, Japan, Australia and Korea.

In Korea, the sauna is essentially a public bathhouse. Families come to enjoy the day together, with the men and women taking showers, whirlpools, and massages in separate parts of the facility, but coming together for the saunas.

A friend and I decided to try to local Korean sauna I had heard so much about. I have enjoyed dry saunas in the spas and hotels I have stayed in over the years. My country club offered one as an amenity in the ladies' locker room. My friend, a client of my partner and our business, is in the middle of a detox program and wanted to use the sauna to help "sweat" out some impurities. So we set out on a Sunday for an adventure!

We passed the entrance to the Spa and had to double back. Not expecting the facility to be marked by a gate with a ceramic family of giraffes on the crossbar, we missed the turn-in the first time around, sure it was the entrance to a safari-type park. When the Spa came into view at the end of the drive, the parking lot was quite full. I felt like I was looking at a small town casino: two huge sitting lions graced either side of the staircase to the entrance. Once inside, I don't know if casino is the word I would have chosen to describe the place.

We entered, taking our shoes off, getting locker keys and a set of pink gym shorts with top. Then we were ushered into the women's locker room. Various shapes, sizes, and ages of females were walking around nude (as I had been told we had to be when I called for information).

We put our shoes in one tiny locker and our clothes in a larger one across the room. Grabbing a towel the size of a small guest hand towel, we walked into the shower room. With a wall of showers on one side, four whirlpools in the middle, each with a different temperature and mineral content, a wet sauna, a cold pool in the middle of the room, and the open massage and body scrub area on the other side, the room was moist to say the least. Moms, with little ones, young girls, older women in head scarves: this was a real cross-section of the female condition.

Showered and in our pink outfit (the guys get blue), we entered the co-ed portion of the Spa. A restaurant, rows of pink fake leather couches, trimmed in Victorian curlicued white wood, and various saunas greeted us. Some people were asleep on the couches or on mats on the floor. Some ate. Some watched T. V. Children played. Gongs would chime and a soft Asian voice would say something. Often that would create a mad rush into one of the sauna rooms. We were not in Kansas anymore.

First, we entered The Pyramid Room. The walls are covered with 23 carat gold to help cleanse impurities. The pyramid shape channels metaphysical energy. This sauna felt good. At 115 degrees, I hadn't started to sweat yet when my friend started to feel a little light-headed. This is often the case when doing a detox.

We left The Pyramid Room and entered The Ice Room, the equivalent of a cold plunge pool. Chilled to just above freezing (35 degrees), it was suggested that you rub your towel over your skin to get the best out of the stimulation to blood flow. The floor was covered with grass mats and it was too cold to comfortably be barefooted on the floor without them.

After several minutes, we went into The Salt Room. Made from 350 million year old salt rocks, this rooms aids in rejuvenating the skin. The temperature gauge said 120 degrees. The floors had cloth mats over the grass mats and, if you were not resting on the cloth, you would end up with a huge red mark on your skin. The walls were too hot to touch for long. I was just beginning to glisten when my friend said she thought she should leave because she was feeling a bit nauseous. Again we went into The Ice Room to lower our body temperature.

There is a Yellow-Soil Crystal Room heated to 115 degrees and unique to Korean culture. It combines infrared rays with the absorptive nature of the yellow soil to extract toxins within the body.

The Base Rock Bath Room contains amethyst crystals, yellow soil and a bed-like slab of imported Japanese Siraka, a mineral said to have fantastic healing abilities. This room is heated to 127 degrees.

The Fire Sudatorium, or sweating bath, is made from elvan stones. The intense heat (165 to 170 degrees) is said to be exhilarating.

There is The Oxygen Room, the "Hawng-Toe-Ssut-Jjim" Room (yellow soil and wormwood steam room), and the Bulgama. This is the room everyone runs into when the gong sounds. It contains amethysts crystals and the elvan stone - a unique living stone. When the gong sounds, it means that a flatbed car loaded with the stones, which are heated to 155 degrees, is brought in on tracks and heats the room up dramatically.

Enough sauna. We decided to have the Body Scrub and Massage. So back into the shower room we go, to shower and wait for out table which is one of about eight behind a sand-blasted glass wall depicting characters from The Simpsons. I kid you not. Apparently, this T. V. show is huge in Korea.

All the tables are in a row and each has a tiny lady clad only in bra and panties...some matching and quite lovely and some not so much. Each table is covered in turquoise plastic and once on the table, your tiny lady pours a bucket of water over you and applies a salt rub that is vigorously worked into your skin with loofahs...not once, not twice, but trice. Interspersed with a bucket of water being flung on you after each phase of the scrub, by the end, I felt as though I had auditioned for the final dance scene in Flashdance. Oh, what a feeling.

Then the tiny lady washes and oils you and begins the massage. There is a language barrier so if you have issues with range of motion there is no way to communicate that to her. Front, back, back, front...at one point, I felt that I would slide off my table and bounce along all the other ones until I reached the floor! I was fine with everything until - on my stomach - she climbed on the bottoms of my feet with her knees. Holy Seoul! She could tell by the frantic waving of my arms that this was not something I was keen on. When she climbed up on my buttocks with the same knees, it actually felt good...

The massage is a bit rough. You feel a little slung around. There is slapping and cupping...must be the Korean way. No gentle Four Seasons pampering here. Because you are in a big room with everything else going on, it is not quiet and soothing. And it is wet! I think I came in with a few more freckles than I left with, but my skin did feel smooth. On the way home, my friend told me that every time my tiny lady would finish one part of the treatment, she would take her bra off and wash herself. Maybe she was afraid I had cooties.

THE PERFECT LIFE

The other day at lunch, I overheard a conversation between two young women. They were talking about a mutual friend, describing her as having the 'perfect' life. Their tone indicated that they wanted it, but didn't feel they would have that kind of life.

I started thinking.

Is life supposed to be perfect? Where is that written?

And what would the 'perfect' life look like?

That evening, I was sitting in my back yard, listening to the birds' songs as they settled into their nests for the night. A soft spring breeze blew across my face. The night was clear and full of stars. What would MY perfect life look like?

I would have a roof over my head.

I would have clean food on my table.

I would have an open and loving relationship with my daughter.

I would have friends I care for, who care for me.

I would have laughter.

I would have work to do that mattered to me and made me glad to have a place to go each day.

I would have a bottle of Don Julio 1942 on the bar.

I would have amazing sex as often as possible.

Well, seven out of eight ain't bad!

As I sat that evening, I thought, "I HAVE the perfect life!"

And I don't even believe there is such a thing...

What would your 'perfect' life look like? I'd love to hear from you.

DIGGIN' IN THE LIFE

I knew I was through the roughest time after my divorce this Spring when I looked out at the dozen or so plant containers on my patios and started planning what I would put in each one.

For the past year and a half, I didn't care that there were dead plants that I hadn't even felt like pulling out of the pots. When they say it takes eighteen months to two years to recover from divorce, even if you asked for it, "they" weren't kidding.

So, here I am, on the other side of that abyss and Spring has sprung and I am a planting savant!

Even when I was first married and all I had was an apartment balcony, I loved planting containers. When we had our first home, a sunny back yard cried out for a vegetable garden...asparagus, dill around the tomato plants so the worms go there instead of to the fruit... and lots flowers that reminded me of my grandparents, especially my grandmother - consummate gardeners. How I wish I had asked then all the questions that flood my mind now; but I was young and I didn't know I would love gardening, so I never asked.

Trial and error, I gardened my way through many years of marriage, a couple of apartments and two houses, cats doing wheelies between my feet as I dead-headed flowers, watered container pots, added bird feeders, yard sculptures, stone features...dug in the "life."

Soil is life.

And there is such joy derived from looking at a small flower bed that has been weeded, freshly turned, and planted with whatever I fancy at that moment in time. I used to get up in the middle of the night and look out at the pots and beds by the light of the moon...fresh plantings gave me that much happiness: a sense of satisfaction, the spark of creation, order out of chaos, the promise of growth and beauty.

Soil is full of life. Ants churning underground, turning the soil, doing the ant-work...earthworms aerating and tilling even the hardest clay soil (how do their soft mucosal noses not snap off from the effort of pushing up through hard packed Texas dirt?) , adding nutrients to the mix...both creating space and a habitable environment for all the organisms that are needed to enrich our earth.

Soil is not just dirt. Soil is the foundation for everything we eat and for everything that we eat to eat. But we haven't been good stewards of the land. From chemicals and fertilizers to pesticides to rain forest destruction to scraping the top soil only to come in with filler after all the trees have been cut down to build a parking lot, we are destroying this rich and vital few inches of that which sustains us.

What it requires of each of us, even if just in the few square feet over which we may have control, is an understanding of the implications of our choices. Many may argue that man was given dominion over the earth, but destruction of it's precious resources is not the act of a kind and benevolent or wise ruler.

A little TLC of the soil leads to the joy of loving something, creating beauty in one's midst, teaching by decisions congruent with core values. Then there is being outside in wonderful weather, painting a picture through the palette of well chosen plants and flowers, building a habitat for birds, butterflies, ladybugs, praying mantises, worms and ants!

Digging in the life is better than a trip to a shrink...while you plant, you can problem solve, chart the next steps for the life you are creating, spend time with kids or grandkids, and create an oasis of peace and beauty in the midst of a hectic and toxic world.

And it is a wonderful sign of hope for a better tomorrow and faith that the future holds promise!

You might want to watch this and pass it along to friends:

http://www.foodrenegade.com/the-soil-crisis-and-the-problem-solvers/#more-1774